Dear Mia,

I don't think "miss" is a strong enough word to express how I feel right now. Long for? Crave? Yearn?

I haven't seen your pretty, bouncing face in exactly 20 days. Only 4 more until I get to hug you, and kiss you, and take you out places, and be force-fed by you then hear "Mmmm!" as if it were so delicious. There hasn't been one day that has gone by where I haven't sat on the couch and imagined seeing you run & dance around the living room like you always do.

As much as I wanted to come with you, I just couldn't. And as much as I wanted you to stay with me, I couldn't either. There was no one here to watch you while I was at school and work, so I had to let you go. Now you're 2,503 miles and 2 time zones away from me.

Sometimes I wonder if you think about me. I know you're only 17months old and probably think I'm at work.... for a very long time. I also wonder if you will remember me... And that's what hurts the most about you being gone.

But, I will be strong; even though I have kept myself busy every single day since you have been gone to distract me from the fact that you aren't here, coming home to an empty house and not being greeted by a happy dance & a hug is still foreign and saddening to me.

Four more days, Mia, four more days...

Love, Mommy.

Death by Sea

Today was possibly one of the scariest days of me and my friends' lives. Let me tell you the story...

We road out to Hunting Island Beach, SC because we wanted to see more black people at the beach. Apparently Coligny Beach is absent of color... all colors...

So we drove an hour to the black people beach to get away from the white people beach, paid $5 each, & set up our crap & umberellas.

Like always, we took many pictures before getting our hair jacked up by the water. Sexy pictures, jumping pictures, humping pictures, etc... Little did we know that these could have been the last pictures we could have taken....

We went out into the water, full of giant, powerful waves & currents. It was fun at first until Thanh got flipped over in the inner tube, I kept getting pushed down, but Adiam was fine, until....

Some creature that possibly looked like THIS!!!

poked Thanh's foot & she yelped loudly. Adiam & I said "What happened??" She said "I stepped on something hard." I said "What you talking bout??" Once I said that, it somehow moved about 5feet to where I was & I stepped on it also, screamed my booty off & ran!!!

As Thanh & I ran, Adiam, safely inside of an inner tube, not knowing it was moving toward her, stepped on THE THING while trying to get away.

Adiam unknowingly started floating away by a rip current & Thanh & I yelled for her to come back. But she couldn't. The waves were too strong & she was too weak. (And she can't swim) Once she saw the "DANGER!! KEEP AWAY 10FEET" sign, which was 5feet away from her, panic set in.

She began paddling like a crazy puppy to come back to us as we yelled "Adiam, come back over here!!!" We went walking toward her & it got really deep & she had both of our floats because we tied the skim board & inner tube together so we wouldn't lose it. The shore dropped off and we couldn't swim because the currents were too rough. Before we knew it Adiam was quickly drifting away and she was screaming for HELP!!

I ran back to shore to jack a flotation device to go get Adiam, and Thanh stayed to make sure she stayed in sight. Adiam helplessly pleaded for Thanh to save her because every time she looked back she was getting closer and closer to the "DANGER" sign!

As this was going on I ran to the closest adult I saw and asked for his help, but unfortunately he was no help. I asked if he had a floater, he said "NO." I asked if we should call 911 and he said "IDK." He wasted my time and I just decided to run and call 911.

From Thanh's perspective..."Oh shit! Should I go out and get her or not? I'm scared!" My heart was racing like crazy. I looked over to where Adiam was and her frightened, helpless face made me brave enough to just go out into the death zone.

Inside Adiam' s head..."Omg..omg...omg...omg...omg!!! I'im gonna die! Omg Thanh get over here!! *throws skim board towards thanh* "Come on grab it Thanh grab it! Please grab it!!! omg here get it get it! GRAB IT!!!!!!"

As I finished talking to the unhelpful black man, I looked out to see Thanh pulling Adiam's floaty toward shore! I got so happy cuz that meant we all didn't have to die out at sea or float all the way to the African Coast! YESSS!!! They finally made it to standing shore & Adiam threw her arms around Thanh in a warm embrace. AWWW! How cute. Once I realized they were safe & I wouldn't have to put an ad on Craig's List for NEW BFFs, I realized my arm was burning.

There was a big red scratch on it. From what you ask?? I do not know...

Adiam also had 2 scratches on her foot from that UNKNOWN CREATURE trying to eat some black meat. (I guess it prefers dark meat cuz Thanh had no bite marks)

After washing off our continuously burning injuries, we sat on the beach towel and looked out to the ocean that almost killed & ate us. Also, while sitting, I saw that my big arm scratch was in the shape of a mouth. You could see the upper teeth & lower teeth marks. That crazy animal almost killed us.

Moral of the Story: Don't go to beaches without lifeguards, and white people. Black people are no help when it comes to water and life is too short & can be gone in a second. (That's deep man.... Real deep...)

Dear Mia,

I've officially a single mother to you for a year now.

As much as I wanted you to grow up as a complete family of your father and I, deep down, I knew I couldn't have stayed. We couldn't stay together. I thought long and hard about this decision and came to the conclusion of:

Will Mia want to see us fight all the time and me unhappy?

Would Mia want her mother to be happy?

Obviously, I put our happiness above anything. I don't care about the statistics, stereotypes, etc... And yes, it is annoying to always walk around alone or sitting in a doctor's office with people staring at us. It really doesn't matter because, honestly, I am a happier person now than I was a year ago; you have contributed to this happiness.

Everything you do brings me happiness! From you throwing a ball at me while I'm sleeping to picking your nose to pulling me off the couch just to dance with you. It's all so wonderful.

Sure, you may be one of those wedlock babies, you haven't see your dad in I can't remember how long, you apparently have a stepmother now, I have to juggle school & a job while learning Lao to teach you, and you can get a little out of hand in public . But all that doesn't matter.

You have me. I have you. We are our own happy family. No one else is invited into this Mia-Mommy Club.

P.S. It's ok... You'll learn how to use the one day...