Day 30: Your reflection in the mirror

Dear Raven,

You've come a long way since being a little kid running in the backyard of your Sacramento home. You graduated like 75th out of nearly 600 students with a 3.67 GPA. You go to Emory University which is apparently a "really good school". You don't know. You just applied to go there because your mom said I should. You had never heard about it. You have a great little daughter who makes you laugh even when you want to discipline her. You also have crazy sisters who make you seem like the normal one of the family.

Sometimes, I think you push yourself too hard. Sure you made a 98% on that religion test. That's good. But those two points you could have gotten still irk you inside because you know what you did wrong. I rushed and wrote the word "soul" instead of "consciousness" when writing about Buddhism. Anatman! Anatman! Anatman! Or that 94% on the history midterm. You think, "What other sentences could have added those 6 points?!" You are never good enough for yourself. Sometimes, its good to be your own mother always nagging in the background of your own mind. Keeps you motivated. Keeps you on top of things. Other times, it makes you angry and bitter. Even though you know no one is perfect, you still strive for it... a little too much...

Your future isn't fully clear. Go to med school somewhere. Maybe Emory. Maybe UC San Francisco. Maybe Harvard! In between there, you'll travel the world with your sidekick. Live in another country for a year or two. Eventually, you'll open a school or multiple schools in developing areas of the world. Nicaragua, Thailand, Laos, Angola, Egypt, India, Bangladesh, Russia, Ukraine. Maybe even name one after Mia in Laos. (Hong Hian Mia I think. My Lao is rusty) The world is full of opportunities and is open to you. Might as well find out as much as you can...

Overall, I hope you do everything you hope to do in your life, and ultimately help others. That's been your goal since you were young. Travel the world & teach pregnant women & mothers in developed areas how to have healthier prenatal and postnatal care, as well as healthier lifestyles. Helping children have access to books & schools. It may be a dream now, but it will come true sooner or later... You'll see...

Love, Raven

Day 29: The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Querida Mis Padres,

Voy a escribir este blog en español porque quiero decirse todo a ustedes pero no puedo y no entienden español. Supongo que es algo que todos los niños lo hacen. También, los padres no les digan sus hijos todo.Ha! En tu cara! Pero, me gustaría decirte todo pero tengo mucho miedo. Pienso que no quiero hacerte triste, enojado, preocupado. Quiero hacerte feliz! Eso es por qué trato de sacar buenas notas y no me piden dinero frequentamente. Solo para comprar libros para mis clases. Quiero ser una hija responsible y una madre responsible. No me gustan los padres qué están preocupados por sus hijos todos los dias y no están felices.

Eso es por que no te digo todo quiero decir. Tal vez un día se contaré ustedes mi historia...

Con amor,

Raven
(and I hope I wrote everything grammatically correct... If not, it was worth a try)

Day 28: Someone that changed your life

Dear Mia,

I feel as if every other one of these daily blogs are about you. Well, I guess it's because you're SO interesting. Yes, you are.

Well, you changed my life. I've become more responsible, more caring, more open to new things, more closed off to old things, more tolerant, more angry, more happy, and more tired.

I guess having you born has really made me question what I really wanted in life and how I wanted to live.

In high school, the biggest worry I had was if I was going to buy a new outfit and look cute at school, avoiding that guy in class, and what I was going to do that weekend. Everything seemed SO important back then that even the smallest obscurity that occurred would kill my soul.

Now, I worry about buying you diapers, stocking up on hair de-tangler, what you're going to eat for dinner because you don't like burritos, if you're not fitting your clothes, if I finished my homework, how am I going to potty train you?, did I do A-worthy homework?, managing my money, hoping you don't get sick because you rule the house when your sick, going to sleep early enough that I don't fall asleep driving, and how can I keep my sanity so you won't think I'm crazy?

Yeah... I laugh at myself when I see how stupid I was back then. Getting worked up over nothing. And to say some people my age still go crazy over what to wear and avoiding that guy in class. Then again, I guess that's a part of growing up. You're stupid for a long time until something big hits you. A birth. A death. A move. A failure. I'm glad it happened earlier for me before I was even more stupid than I was before...

But yeah. You changed my whole life around. I was going to go to UCLA. Maybe even Oxford University in England or Salamanca in Spain. But I chose to stay here which worked out because I didn't even know I was having you then. Now I actually have to plan my class schedule around you, my future plans around you, my whole life around you. And I enjoy it.

At least my life has purpose now. To make a stable, happy life for you to grow up in.

Love, Mommy

Day 27: The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Dear Anna,

I had a biology class with you in the summer 2009. I was only in there for 2 days because my loan wouldn't go through. UGH! But you were a very nice lab partner. Even though you were... I think 23 or 24 and the rest of us were like 18, 19, you were so young! Fresh! Dressed nice and very cool. Too bad I couldn't have stayed longer because you are a very nice person. You make people feel comfortable around you, and that's a fantastic attribute!

Well, wherever you are, working in the cancer unit at Emory, med school, wherever, I hope you're happy. =]

Love, Raven

Day 26: The last person you made a pinky promise to

Dear Person I don't remember,

I must have not kept it since I can't remember who I last made a pinky promise to... Eh. Must have not been that important either! HAHA! No. All pinky promises are important and breaking them disrupts the whole universe, you know. Its serious stuff.

But I'm sorry I don't remember you, but the next time I make one, I'll keep a memo of it in my blackberry. Don't want any more entropy disrupting the universe!

Sincerely, Raven

Day 25: The person you know that is going through the worst of time

Dear World,

Are we all going through the worst of times? Isn't life kind of a cycle of suffering, happiness, boredom, fear, anger, and eventually death?

Then again, there is no way of measuring the worst of time because something even worse could happen at any moment or what some people think is little is HUGE to another person.

I have $5 in my bank account.
I can't get those boots I want.

I'm a single father with no help.
I hate my job.

My country is at war.
I hate going to school because I'm picked on for being different.
I hate my car for being old.

There's different ways people measure what is considered "the worst". Instead of worrying about "the worst" in life, think about the best! Life is too short anyway to be pessimistic to the extreme. Who knows! You may be reborn and be able to try this life out again. I guess if you look at it, the worst of time is not knowing everything you want to know about your life. So don't worry about this and that and that stupid cat that scares you by your car, and think of what is good NOW. After all, if you think your life sucks, there is always someone with a suckier life & is completely happy with it.

Raven

Day 24: The person that gave you your favorite memory

Dear All My Friends,

When do we ever not have great memories? I'm glad I have such entertaining friends because sometimes I look at other people and their friends or listen to some of their stories and think, "WOW! If they met the people I hang out with... They would have to leave and call a psychiatric unit to come get us."

And to say they think its fun to just walk to a movie theater, watch the movie, then go home. Or going to the park for a brisk walk and talk. Or go to the mall to window shop. Or taking cute pictures for Facebook. PUH-LEEZ!

We click our heels running to the theater while sining RENT & High School Musical songs. We go fishing at the park with Shrek & Barbie fishing poles. We save each other from being swept away by the ocean. We model clothing in the stores & never buy a thing. We would rather attempt taking 973873 jumping/bursting pictures until we get it right. We get attacked by some creature in the sea! We make fun of each other all the time.

You let me jump on trees and don't worry about the embarrassment I'll bring to the group. We run around in fountains at the mall. We act ghetto one minute, preppy another, and normal the next. Most of all, we never leave each other behind to get snatched up by some creeper. Can you believe some girls split up when they go to parties?! Uh huh. We are super glued together.

How do they live with such redundant lives?! I couldn't. That is why some higher being brought us together. Or maybe we were all friends in a past life in Mexico and met back up again. Who knows?!

All I know I that I am happy to have you guys in my life to keep my levels in insanity stable. If I kept ALL of that inside, I would explode.

With much loving love,

Raven

Day 22: Someone you want to give a second chance to

Dear Second Chancer,

I don't believe in you. If we didn't get along back then, why waste time again just to find out we still don't get along? With that said, I think we should stay in our separate ways. Besides, I'm too busy and ambitious for a male species under my arm right now. Check back in 50 years.

Signed, Raven

Day 21: Someone you judged by their first impression

Dear Nujuma and Mary,

I must confess. I have judged you both on first impressions. -___-

My deepest apologies.

I met Nujuma in because she was in my world geography class freshman year. It was a quite ghetto class, I must admit! I don't know why we were put in there to suffer. Anyway! I thought you were quiet (like myself) but a different kind of quiet girl. Like the one who would beat your face in if you tried to talk to her!! So I kept my distance & did one of those *hi-smiles* you do when you see people from class in the hallway....

Mary was in my biology class freshman year. And OOoh buddy. Did I think you were loud & ghetto! Goodness. You kind of scared me with how outgoing you were. I would think, "Man! If she met that girl from world geo, Nujuma, man... they would beat each other up!" But I still talked to you when the chances occurred. A "hey" there. A "hi" here. A "Oh, that Mary!" around.

Now that I have met both of you.... Its like you switched minds. Mary is the chill calm one & Nujuma can be a wild & crazy kid! Its funny how first impressions slap you in the face when you find out the truth. Ahhh.... The shock. I remember this summer when Adiam told me that Mary was coming with us to Andrea's swim party. I thought "Oh cool! You invited her?" and she said Nujuma had. I was like "Say what?! The two people who I thought freshman year would hate each other is homies?! Get outta here!" Laugh-Out-Loud.

Anyway, I guess its good to have fun first impressions so when you look back you can think "Man, was I wrong!" Unless you thought someone was an idiot & turned out to be an idiot... Then you get satisfaction. =] But overall, I'm glad I got to meet you guys & have helped expand the group to RATLMN. Occasionally RAN, or RANM, or RAM, or RAT, or RA, or AT, or TR. sometimes R. Lol. You get the point and welcome to the club.

May we have more eventful moments together.

With love, Raven

Day 23: The last person you kissed

Dear Mia,

I always get kisses from you! Everyday, I get a hug and a kiss from you. Sometimes you don't want to hug me and just hug my arm. Other times, you spit on me when you give me a kiss.... But it's ok. I know you don't mean any harm. Even when you grab my neck when I don't want to give you a kiss....

Anyway, so you'll be two years old in a month and I still don't know what to do for your birthday. Maybe something little at the house because, you know/ You don't have any friends. haha! But really... Your only friend is Sumaiyah & Myllan and they don't count because you're related to them. You'll go to daycare sooner or later and get more amigos.

I'm thinking of making you a Ni Hao fondant cake and Chinese themed foods since you love that show. It will also help to express my artistic side as well as learn how to cook! I have to learn some day or you'll starve or be one of those obese kids who ate processed food & food that lacked color! (That is a little extreme) Besides! You LOVE vegetables. We might have to turn vegan just to accommodate your love of the naturally colorful foods.

I still have a month to plan out all the food & gifts.

And Christmas is coming up. Mommy isn't big on holidays. Mommy doesn't really celebrate any holidays because Mommy doesn't have a set religion, but I'll get you some stuff so you can go along with our so called "family traditions", but don't expect too many gifts!! All the cool stuff will come for your birthday. It's mostly because I believe Jesus would want you to focus on being with family and his miraculous conception/birth rather than 1992783748 gifts under a tree. Gifts are for birthdays in my eyes. So I got you some new earrings! I'll get you some books and a big girl potty seat to start this potty training thing you seem to hate already.

I gotta go feed you some wings now. I'll update more later.

With love, Mommy

Day 20: The one that broke your heart the hardest

Dear Heart breaker,

I guess it really wouldn't matter if I wrote you a letter because you are oblivious to have you had done. Nor would it be of any relevance to you, your life, you lady friend(s), or anything pertaining to you.

With that said, I guess I could say I have picked up the pieces, gorilla glued them back together because super glue didn't hold up so well last time, and kept it moving. Sure, some pieces were lost because they were too small, so there are always going to be parts of myelf shining out of the spaces. And these shining spaces seem to attract bad people like how mosquitoes are attracted to light. Like ferrets run for and steal shiny objects. Let's just hope this gorilla glue hold up so the next time its dropped, my inner being won't escape.

Love, Raven

Day 19: Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Dear People Who Pester My Mind,

You ran through my mind like a criminal running from the police. Back and forth, all day, all night. Here, there, up, down, right, left, forward, backward, inverted, spiraled, coiled, bouncing and hopping. All the time.

You were always there. It made me angry. It made me day dream. It made me annoyed. You wouldn't go away. Then again... I didn't want you to go. You kept me entertained. Making up stories of what could happen. What had happened. Future events to come that would make more memories and stories in my mind.

Then I moved on. You no longer run though my mind. You walk through with the crowd and no longer stick out. Yes, sometimes, I'll look at you, but then I keep moving down the rows of people. Maybe I'll find someone worth running, hopping, bouncing, back, forth, up, down, coiling, spiraling and circling my mind. Then I wouldn't have to day dream about stories that could happen. What will happen. Future events to come that will make more memories. They would be real. They would be mine.

Love, Raven