Dear Mia...

So, it's been almost a year since that wonderful and painful day you came into this world. We have been through a bunch of ups and downs, I want to start by apologizing now for some of the things that maybe could have been avoided before I start thanking and reminiscing on the good. As they say, "We all learn to make mistakes and run from them", but I'm not running. I'm facing them.

First off, I'm sorry for me and Daddy breaking up. We were headed in different paths and as much as I wanted (and still want) us to be little happy family, I just can't right now. It's too much for me to handle and I know I'll explain it to you on day, but for now, I'll just leave it at that. It's been 6 months of just me and you. I think you have developed into a fine, mean young lady despite all the statistics of single parent households... Maybe one day we will be a family again. Maybe...

I'm sorry for not having any professional pictures of you, or us ,or you, me and Daddy done. I will one day. I promise. It's just been a VERY rough year for me and whenever I saved up enough for you to get pictures done, some other financial burden came up. Car problems, school books, gas, bills left and right. But I promise. I'll get some done eventually.

I'm sorry for being so stressed out all the time and only wanting to sleep or just be alone. School kicked me in the face this year. Money has sprayed me in the eyes with pepper spray. There were times when I did not think I made the right decision by not putting you up for adoption because I felt horrible that I did not have the time or energy to even feed you, play with you, or even put you to sleep. I'd sit and do hours and hours of homework having 8+ hours of school and work, and by the time I'd finish, you would be sleeping. There were days when I wouldn't see you at all because I went to school at 8am, then drove an hour after school to another job and made it home at 11pm when you were sleeping. But I'm learning to manage my time a little better now and maybe try not to work so much... Not yet though. Mommy still is in a hole...

I'm sorry for not being around as often as I would like to. I never thought I'd never be able to see you and we life in the same house. Leaving the house with you sleeping and coming back home with you sleeping again is depressing. I know one day, it won't be like this.

I'm sorry for being a jealous mommy. Jealous of the other young mommy's who have the lifestyle I wished I could have raised you in. Two parent household, semi-stable family, stable enough finances, and not have to choose whether to buy you a new hat and jacket for the winter, or gas and tires for my car.

I'm sorry for Granny and I fighting in front of you so much. As much as I love Granny, she just doesn't understand that you are my child and believe that my parenting skills are adequate enough. Yes, she is one of the reasons why I can't be around you as often as I would like because she doesn't think I feed you correctly, change you diaper right, dress you appropriately or even breathe correctly. Maybe one day she will back off. No.... No she won't. Not until I can afford to get us our own place, which isn't any time soon. Until then, I guess you'll have two mommy's.

I'm sorry for not being strong enough to tell Granny to back off. I've tried but it just end up in shatters and I'm ignored.

I'm sorry things didn't turn out as happily as I thought they would.

But on the bright side, we have each other and we're still healthy and alive.