Day 30: Your reflection in the mirror

Dear Raven,

You've come a long way since being a little kid running in the backyard of your Sacramento home. You graduated like 75th out of nearly 600 students with a 3.67 GPA. You go to Emory University which is apparently a "really good school". You don't know. You just applied to go there because your mom said I should. You had never heard about it. You have a great little daughter who makes you laugh even when you want to discipline her. You also have crazy sisters who make you seem like the normal one of the family.

Sometimes, I think you push yourself too hard. Sure you made a 98% on that religion test. That's good. But those two points you could have gotten still irk you inside because you know what you did wrong. I rushed and wrote the word "soul" instead of "consciousness" when writing about Buddhism. Anatman! Anatman! Anatman! Or that 94% on the history midterm. You think, "What other sentences could have added those 6 points?!" You are never good enough for yourself. Sometimes, its good to be your own mother always nagging in the background of your own mind. Keeps you motivated. Keeps you on top of things. Other times, it makes you angry and bitter. Even though you know no one is perfect, you still strive for it... a little too much...

Your future isn't fully clear. Go to med school somewhere. Maybe Emory. Maybe UC San Francisco. Maybe Harvard! In between there, you'll travel the world with your sidekick. Live in another country for a year or two. Eventually, you'll open a school or multiple schools in developing areas of the world. Nicaragua, Thailand, Laos, Angola, Egypt, India, Bangladesh, Russia, Ukraine. Maybe even name one after Mia in Laos. (Hong Hian Mia I think. My Lao is rusty) The world is full of opportunities and is open to you. Might as well find out as much as you can...

Overall, I hope you do everything you hope to do in your life, and ultimately help others. That's been your goal since you were young. Travel the world & teach pregnant women & mothers in developed areas how to have healthier prenatal and postnatal care, as well as healthier lifestyles. Helping children have access to books & schools. It may be a dream now, but it will come true sooner or later... You'll see...

Love, Raven

Day 29: The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Querida Mis Padres,

Voy a escribir este blog en español porque quiero decirse todo a ustedes pero no puedo y no entienden español. Supongo que es algo que todos los niños lo hacen. También, los padres no les digan sus hijos todo.Ha! En tu cara! Pero, me gustaría decirte todo pero tengo mucho miedo. Pienso que no quiero hacerte triste, enojado, preocupado. Quiero hacerte feliz! Eso es por qué trato de sacar buenas notas y no me piden dinero frequentamente. Solo para comprar libros para mis clases. Quiero ser una hija responsible y una madre responsible. No me gustan los padres qué están preocupados por sus hijos todos los dias y no están felices.

Eso es por que no te digo todo quiero decir. Tal vez un día se contaré ustedes mi historia...

Con amor,

Raven
(and I hope I wrote everything grammatically correct... If not, it was worth a try)

Day 28: Someone that changed your life

Dear Mia,

I feel as if every other one of these daily blogs are about you. Well, I guess it's because you're SO interesting. Yes, you are.

Well, you changed my life. I've become more responsible, more caring, more open to new things, more closed off to old things, more tolerant, more angry, more happy, and more tired.

I guess having you born has really made me question what I really wanted in life and how I wanted to live.

In high school, the biggest worry I had was if I was going to buy a new outfit and look cute at school, avoiding that guy in class, and what I was going to do that weekend. Everything seemed SO important back then that even the smallest obscurity that occurred would kill my soul.

Now, I worry about buying you diapers, stocking up on hair de-tangler, what you're going to eat for dinner because you don't like burritos, if you're not fitting your clothes, if I finished my homework, how am I going to potty train you?, did I do A-worthy homework?, managing my money, hoping you don't get sick because you rule the house when your sick, going to sleep early enough that I don't fall asleep driving, and how can I keep my sanity so you won't think I'm crazy?

Yeah... I laugh at myself when I see how stupid I was back then. Getting worked up over nothing. And to say some people my age still go crazy over what to wear and avoiding that guy in class. Then again, I guess that's a part of growing up. You're stupid for a long time until something big hits you. A birth. A death. A move. A failure. I'm glad it happened earlier for me before I was even more stupid than I was before...

But yeah. You changed my whole life around. I was going to go to UCLA. Maybe even Oxford University in England or Salamanca in Spain. But I chose to stay here which worked out because I didn't even know I was having you then. Now I actually have to plan my class schedule around you, my future plans around you, my whole life around you. And I enjoy it.

At least my life has purpose now. To make a stable, happy life for you to grow up in.

Love, Mommy

Day 27: The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Dear Anna,

I had a biology class with you in the summer 2009. I was only in there for 2 days because my loan wouldn't go through. UGH! But you were a very nice lab partner. Even though you were... I think 23 or 24 and the rest of us were like 18, 19, you were so young! Fresh! Dressed nice and very cool. Too bad I couldn't have stayed longer because you are a very nice person. You make people feel comfortable around you, and that's a fantastic attribute!

Well, wherever you are, working in the cancer unit at Emory, med school, wherever, I hope you're happy. =]

Love, Raven

Day 26: The last person you made a pinky promise to

Dear Person I don't remember,

I must have not kept it since I can't remember who I last made a pinky promise to... Eh. Must have not been that important either! HAHA! No. All pinky promises are important and breaking them disrupts the whole universe, you know. Its serious stuff.

But I'm sorry I don't remember you, but the next time I make one, I'll keep a memo of it in my blackberry. Don't want any more entropy disrupting the universe!

Sincerely, Raven

Day 25: The person you know that is going through the worst of time

Dear World,

Are we all going through the worst of times? Isn't life kind of a cycle of suffering, happiness, boredom, fear, anger, and eventually death?

Then again, there is no way of measuring the worst of time because something even worse could happen at any moment or what some people think is little is HUGE to another person.

I have $5 in my bank account.
I can't get those boots I want.

I'm a single father with no help.
I hate my job.

My country is at war.
I hate going to school because I'm picked on for being different.
I hate my car for being old.

There's different ways people measure what is considered "the worst". Instead of worrying about "the worst" in life, think about the best! Life is too short anyway to be pessimistic to the extreme. Who knows! You may be reborn and be able to try this life out again. I guess if you look at it, the worst of time is not knowing everything you want to know about your life. So don't worry about this and that and that stupid cat that scares you by your car, and think of what is good NOW. After all, if you think your life sucks, there is always someone with a suckier life & is completely happy with it.

Raven

Day 24: The person that gave you your favorite memory

Dear All My Friends,

When do we ever not have great memories? I'm glad I have such entertaining friends because sometimes I look at other people and their friends or listen to some of their stories and think, "WOW! If they met the people I hang out with... They would have to leave and call a psychiatric unit to come get us."

And to say they think its fun to just walk to a movie theater, watch the movie, then go home. Or going to the park for a brisk walk and talk. Or go to the mall to window shop. Or taking cute pictures for Facebook. PUH-LEEZ!

We click our heels running to the theater while sining RENT & High School Musical songs. We go fishing at the park with Shrek & Barbie fishing poles. We save each other from being swept away by the ocean. We model clothing in the stores & never buy a thing. We would rather attempt taking 973873 jumping/bursting pictures until we get it right. We get attacked by some creature in the sea! We make fun of each other all the time.

You let me jump on trees and don't worry about the embarrassment I'll bring to the group. We run around in fountains at the mall. We act ghetto one minute, preppy another, and normal the next. Most of all, we never leave each other behind to get snatched up by some creeper. Can you believe some girls split up when they go to parties?! Uh huh. We are super glued together.

How do they live with such redundant lives?! I couldn't. That is why some higher being brought us together. Or maybe we were all friends in a past life in Mexico and met back up again. Who knows?!

All I know I that I am happy to have you guys in my life to keep my levels in insanity stable. If I kept ALL of that inside, I would explode.

With much loving love,

Raven

Day 22: Someone you want to give a second chance to

Dear Second Chancer,

I don't believe in you. If we didn't get along back then, why waste time again just to find out we still don't get along? With that said, I think we should stay in our separate ways. Besides, I'm too busy and ambitious for a male species under my arm right now. Check back in 50 years.

Signed, Raven

Day 21: Someone you judged by their first impression

Dear Nujuma and Mary,

I must confess. I have judged you both on first impressions. -___-

My deepest apologies.

I met Nujuma in because she was in my world geography class freshman year. It was a quite ghetto class, I must admit! I don't know why we were put in there to suffer. Anyway! I thought you were quiet (like myself) but a different kind of quiet girl. Like the one who would beat your face in if you tried to talk to her!! So I kept my distance & did one of those *hi-smiles* you do when you see people from class in the hallway....

Mary was in my biology class freshman year. And OOoh buddy. Did I think you were loud & ghetto! Goodness. You kind of scared me with how outgoing you were. I would think, "Man! If she met that girl from world geo, Nujuma, man... they would beat each other up!" But I still talked to you when the chances occurred. A "hey" there. A "hi" here. A "Oh, that Mary!" around.

Now that I have met both of you.... Its like you switched minds. Mary is the chill calm one & Nujuma can be a wild & crazy kid! Its funny how first impressions slap you in the face when you find out the truth. Ahhh.... The shock. I remember this summer when Adiam told me that Mary was coming with us to Andrea's swim party. I thought "Oh cool! You invited her?" and she said Nujuma had. I was like "Say what?! The two people who I thought freshman year would hate each other is homies?! Get outta here!" Laugh-Out-Loud.

Anyway, I guess its good to have fun first impressions so when you look back you can think "Man, was I wrong!" Unless you thought someone was an idiot & turned out to be an idiot... Then you get satisfaction. =] But overall, I'm glad I got to meet you guys & have helped expand the group to RATLMN. Occasionally RAN, or RANM, or RAM, or RAT, or RA, or AT, or TR. sometimes R. Lol. You get the point and welcome to the club.

May we have more eventful moments together.

With love, Raven

Day 23: The last person you kissed

Dear Mia,

I always get kisses from you! Everyday, I get a hug and a kiss from you. Sometimes you don't want to hug me and just hug my arm. Other times, you spit on me when you give me a kiss.... But it's ok. I know you don't mean any harm. Even when you grab my neck when I don't want to give you a kiss....

Anyway, so you'll be two years old in a month and I still don't know what to do for your birthday. Maybe something little at the house because, you know/ You don't have any friends. haha! But really... Your only friend is Sumaiyah & Myllan and they don't count because you're related to them. You'll go to daycare sooner or later and get more amigos.

I'm thinking of making you a Ni Hao fondant cake and Chinese themed foods since you love that show. It will also help to express my artistic side as well as learn how to cook! I have to learn some day or you'll starve or be one of those obese kids who ate processed food & food that lacked color! (That is a little extreme) Besides! You LOVE vegetables. We might have to turn vegan just to accommodate your love of the naturally colorful foods.

I still have a month to plan out all the food & gifts.

And Christmas is coming up. Mommy isn't big on holidays. Mommy doesn't really celebrate any holidays because Mommy doesn't have a set religion, but I'll get you some stuff so you can go along with our so called "family traditions", but don't expect too many gifts!! All the cool stuff will come for your birthday. It's mostly because I believe Jesus would want you to focus on being with family and his miraculous conception/birth rather than 1992783748 gifts under a tree. Gifts are for birthdays in my eyes. So I got you some new earrings! I'll get you some books and a big girl potty seat to start this potty training thing you seem to hate already.

I gotta go feed you some wings now. I'll update more later.

With love, Mommy

Day 20: The one that broke your heart the hardest

Dear Heart breaker,

I guess it really wouldn't matter if I wrote you a letter because you are oblivious to have you had done. Nor would it be of any relevance to you, your life, you lady friend(s), or anything pertaining to you.

With that said, I guess I could say I have picked up the pieces, gorilla glued them back together because super glue didn't hold up so well last time, and kept it moving. Sure, some pieces were lost because they were too small, so there are always going to be parts of myelf shining out of the spaces. And these shining spaces seem to attract bad people like how mosquitoes are attracted to light. Like ferrets run for and steal shiny objects. Let's just hope this gorilla glue hold up so the next time its dropped, my inner being won't escape.

Love, Raven

Day 19: Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Dear People Who Pester My Mind,

You ran through my mind like a criminal running from the police. Back and forth, all day, all night. Here, there, up, down, right, left, forward, backward, inverted, spiraled, coiled, bouncing and hopping. All the time.

You were always there. It made me angry. It made me day dream. It made me annoyed. You wouldn't go away. Then again... I didn't want you to go. You kept me entertained. Making up stories of what could happen. What had happened. Future events to come that would make more memories and stories in my mind.

Then I moved on. You no longer run though my mind. You walk through with the crowd and no longer stick out. Yes, sometimes, I'll look at you, but then I keep moving down the rows of people. Maybe I'll find someone worth running, hopping, bouncing, back, forth, up, down, coiling, spiraling and circling my mind. Then I wouldn't have to day dream about stories that could happen. What will happen. Future events to come that will make more memories. They would be real. They would be mine.

Love, Raven

Day 16: Someone that’s not in your state/country

Dear Callie,

You are in Jersey Shore, New Jersey; I'm Atlanta where the playa play & we ride on them thangs like everyday. Big beats, hit streets see gangstas roamin' & parties don't stop til 8 in the morning.

You're mean. Why you ask? Because you keep playing with my heart. You need to quit playing games with my heart. With my heart, with my heart. I should have known from the start....

Moving away & back and away & back and then here again! And back there again! And you know what?! I criiiiiiieeeed. And I don't care who knows it! I criiiiiieeeeedddd. And I ain't to proud to show it. I criiieeddd when you said GOOOODDD BYYYYYYEEE! WHEN YOU SAID GOOD BYE! I criiiieeeddd!

No... I did't cry. You didn't even say good bye!

And on top of that, how come you don't call me.... anymore?? I thought it was something wrong with my phone, so I called Mr. Telephone man and said "There's something wrong with my line. When I dial my Callie's number, I get a click every time!"

But it's ok. When I visit you, I'll get to say "Yeeeaaaah! Oh leh do-eh. Aye! Oh leh do-eh! Yeaaaah! Druh dilin' mus-eh. Aye. I influ-eh. Aye. I influ-eh." The you'll probably say, "So what do you wanna do here?" And I'll say "I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want! I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really, really wanna New York party!"

And when we get ready for da club, we can get pedicures on our toes, toes. Trying on all our clothes, clothes. Boys blowin up our phones, phones. Well... I'm not sure about boys blowing up our phones because you like ugly people and I intimidate males with my pretty girl swag. But at the club, I'm gonna be like, "Hey Mr. DJ keep playin' this song for me. Out on the floor in my arms, he's gotta be! And then you're gonna be like *hands in blades* "When you do the things you do, Come on & Work your body! Work you body!"

But anyway, I know we're gonna have a party in the USA and be livin' our life like its golden, golden in Neeewww Yooorrk! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there nothing we can't do! And when I say Bye, bye, bye, I'm going to hide my makeup smeared eyes to show that I'm fine. Besides, you're coming to visit in January, so I won't be sleeping with a broken heart.

Love, Raven

P.S. Don't forget to E-mail my heart!

Day 15: The person you miss the most

Now that I have time again...

Dear Mia,

You left be again and went to Pennsylvania for 10 days. I should have been used to you being gone here and there since you were in California for a month this summer, but I don't think it ever gets easy. It was easier during the summer to not realize you weren't here. I kept myself busy EVERYDAY. Painting, going out to eat, mall, work, party, visited Thanh in South Carolina, etc. I didn't like being home really alone and I still don't. Since I was in school, I was kind of forced to stay home and endure the emptiness...

I guess its hard because during these years, I can miss out on so many little things you do that are HUGE to me, and seem stupid to others. Like you learning to wipe your own nose is gross and dumb to some people. To me, it shows me that you are growing up day by day.

I missed having you meet me every time I walk in through the door. I missed your kisses where you choke me a little and pull my face to yours. I missed our inside jokes.

I think the worse part of you being gone isn't that I'm not there to take care of you. I know Granny is taking good care of you even though you run her wild.

It's me sitting in silence. Me eating dinner alone. Me watching TV and doing homework without you saying "Mom! Mama! Hey! Help! Here! Baw! Bow!! Help! Diddle-diddle-liddle-dee!! Diddle-liddle-diddle-daaaa!" It gets lonely and Nacho can only do so much. I've spent the past nearly 3 years of my life so far talking to you, and always having you near me. From an embryo to a fetus to the little 21 month old you are now. And when you go away, I have nothing.

So I sat and imagined seeing you playing around in the living room, dancing to Yo Gabba Gabba, saying Chinese words you learned from Ni Hao Kai Lan, and fake laughing when I try to be funny. And when I saw you again (even though I was half awake) seeing you smile big made me so happy. I think the biggest fear I have whenever you leave is that you won't remember me, and when you show me you haven't makes me feel like I'm doing something right in this crazy, hectic world.

Koi hak jao, Mia.

With much love,

Mommy

Day 18: The person that you wish you could be

Dear Bruno Mars' Girlfriend,

I wish I could be you. Not the girl who supposedly used to be you lady. (Rumored Chanel Malvar) She looks like a man. Besides, I heard you guys broke up anyway which is good! You look more girly than she does. YUCK!

Well, I wish I was Bruno Mar's girlfriend. I would be nice. You can sing! I can dance. You look like a chihuahua. I love chihuahuas! Your 25. I'm 20. Perfect! Guys mature slower, so it's like you're 20 now! We both have birthdays in October. What more do I need to say?! We are perfect brown people together. =D

Well, when you see me at your concert, front row and center, you will love me. I will seduce you and you will say, "Where have you been all my life?!" And I will say, "Across the ocean, waiting for your face." Then you will sing "Marry You" to me and I will sing "Again" (not too great.... I can't sing). Then you will sing "Just the Way You Are," and I'll say "AWWW! Peter, you are too sweet!" Finally, and we will skip down the aisle singing "Count on Me". The our honeymoon will be "Somewhere in Brooklyn". We'll have a picnic under the stars and start "Talking to the Moon". And we'll spend our days together singing the "Lazy Song" in our beautiful home "On the Other Side". Ahhh....

That's all the songs I could think of that would fit in our relationship..... Future relationship. But I will wait for you to find me. Or me to find you. And hey! I have a good chance since you like girls who aren't all that hot looking! Chanel is not some eye candy, fo shizzle.

With love (and patience),

Raven Bowie Hernandez ;D

Day 17: Someone from your childhood

Dear Brittany Nix,

I don't know where you are right now, who you are, if you are still living. But you were my first friend. I remember our sleep overs, jumping around, singing Hanson songs as loud as we could fighting over who would get which brother. I'll also never forget that you taught me how to make doughnuts from Pillsbury biscuits. Who would have thought?! Going to lunch and making fun of teachers, laughing about things that would not have been funny now, but hey! That's childhood. After all, we were in kindergarten.

Well, I don't know what you're doing, what you've been doing, how you've been doing, but I hope your life has been great, fun filled and stress free! Who knows! We might see each other some time in the future in Thailand or something!

With love,

Raven

Day 14: Someone you’ve drifted away from

Dear Shey, Autumn, Cassy, Alex, Kelly, Alleya, Shannon, & Emily

It's been years since I've seen any of you. About 7 years to be exact. We've all grown up, college, boyfriends, husbands, babies, financial independence, the typical. You grow up. You grow apart.

I sometimes look back at the old elementary days of our "group". Sleep overs, birthday parties, gossip on the playground, fun times in class. The wonders of my childhood, and now you guys will always be in the stories I will tell to my daughter and grandchildren. (If I have any)

Yes, we have drifted away. It was bound to happen eventually, especially since I moved many states, miles, meters, yards, inches and centimeters away, and contact back then was VERY limited since it definitely was NOT the age of the social networks... And even though we don't talk at all or very limitedly now, I'm ok with it. You guys are still my "clique" in my memories and always will be.

With love,

Raven

Day 13: Someone you wish could forgive you

Um.....

Dear Person I wish could forgive me,

You don't exist.

Sincerely,

Raven

Day 12: The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Hate is a strong word. I try not to say I hate people because they may end up being my life saver. And, like I was telling my friends, to me, pain is physically felt to me. Not emotionally. So...

Dear Person who caused me a lot of discontent,

You have made me sad, melancholy, discontent, bitter, pessimistic, sorrowful, somber, upset, and pensive. (Those are all the words I can think of that relate to "sad".) I let it bother me for an extended amount of time, but then I thought, "Why am I letting this control my emotions?"

Its stupid for letting someone (or someones) control how you view your life.

With that being said, I no longer worry about the discontent I felt. Why you ask?

Well, I have better things in life to be happy about rather than sulk on a daily about you-know-who doing you-know-what at whatever-time-of-day to whatever-that-person's-name on something-irrelevant-to-me while laughing-and-being-immature. (I'm just saying phrases with hyphens. This is not a true story where I can fill in the italicized words)

I'm in college! I have money. I have a great daughter who makes me smile daily. I have a home to go to everyday. I am able to buy things with my own money. I have hair! I have nice nail genes. I have nice teeth genes. I'm very healthy. I know how to swim. I learned how to dive! I have heat in my home so I won't freeze. And running water. And food (too much food). I don't have cystic acne. I'm short! I'm smart. I learn quickly. I play the flute and clarinet. My body is proportional to my size (except my thighs).I have a great rice cooker. I can still dance, leap, gran jete, coupe, and fouette after not dancing for nearly 3 years. My closet is full of clothes that I never wear. I have cool green, leopard printed glasses (my 2 faves). And finally, I am alive.

See, many (living) people can not say that many positive things. So with all these happy things in my world, one person, or people couldn't have that much of an impact that I need to go on a full rant about my hatred for them. Besides, hatred causes more hatred in the world.

With that being said, the one or ones who have brought me discontent, gracias. Because now I know not to put up with people who bring me down.

Sincerely,

Raven

Day 11: A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Dear Martin Luther King,

I am not writing to you because I am praising you on all your hard work. I am writing to you because I know the truth. The truth behind all the lies they told us in secondary school Civil Right History.

For one, you were NOT the center piece of the Civil Rights Movement. There were lots of people who did wonderful things even before you were born to push for equality. It just so happens that you were born at the right time & the right changes in history to make an impact. If you were born in W.E.B Du Bois' day, it would not have been the same outcome.

Also, why didn't you follow your heart and marry the German girl? Sure, there would have been ridicule & scorn from society, friends, and family. If that is where your heart is, you should have gone for it. Maybe even move back to Germany with her or Brazil where they would have just thought "Oh! He's just making sure his children turn out whiter by marrying her," instead of the ridicule you would have received here. Instead, you married Coretta. A beautiful woman who put up with you infidelity, being gone for weeks, and putting her and your children's lives in danger. But I guess that's just what women did back then....

On the other hand, you were a great leader and speaker. Your strong (and southern) voice was an adequate tool when it came to speeches. I doubt I would have gotten the same response if I, with my "California accent" and proper grammar/pronunciation, would gotten the same feeling out of the crowd. And although many... many... of your plans fell through, the memories you left behind were inspirational.

In the end, if I were to talk to you some how, I would just want to know why did you do the things you did? How did you feel? And how would you change anything? I still think you are a respectable man, but some of my views of you have changed being the feminist type person I am.

Sincerely,

Raven

Day 10: Someone You Don’t Talk to As Much As You’d Like To

Dear Thanh,

I miss your face. I really do. -__- And I know we are all busy with our crazy hectic lives, but I still think about the fun times we had all the time. Even looking back at old pictures and cracking up to myself. We seriously need to write a RAT book.... Hopefully it will sell more copies than that stupid Twilight & Harry Potter mess. <__<

With love,

Raven

Dear Sue,

I know I just saw you on Saturday, but we should have more of these meetings more often. I miss my Sueey Pak! I remember our dance team practices we had at your house so you guys could try out. At least you took my lessons to heart and joined a dance team! Yay!! I glad to see someone profited. lol. I also miss our notes we wrote & passed to each other in the hallways. I still crack up when I think of the picture you drew of Mrs. Bennett. It was SO ugly just like her. I think I'm gonna find and scan it to my computer so I'll have it forever. =] And you still have to meet Mia!! Maybe you can come to her 2nd birthday party & finally see the infamous Mia P. Khaiphanliane!

With love,

Raven

Dear Carmen & Tina,

I'm putting you guys together because I basically would be repeating myself and I have lazy typing fingers. -__- But anyway! It seems like yesterday I remember the first time I met you guys. Carmen was in some of my classes in 8th grade and Tina lived right up the hill from where I used to live. I also remember when you guys kidnapped me from my own house and dragged me up the hill to Tina's house. <__<

But anyway! We should catch up some time. See how much we hate (or love) school, plans for vacations & the future, celebrities we wish would come serenade to our faces and what not. That would be lovely. Hey! Maybe you guys can come to Mia's birthday party also! Whoop-whoop!

With love,

Raven

Dear Lida,

I know we see you occasionally or stalk you when your working at Macy's, which I love doing, we should hang out more. Catch up on life. Talk about how much we HATE science classes & college in general. Sure, we hung out during the summer & had out Twilight indoor Chinese Take-Out picnic, but I miss the original RATL sometimes. T__T Especially the Girls Day Out. I don't know why it was so much fun. Probably because we were all in skirts and playing on the playground which equals a NO! But still, original is always missed. And I am excited about this weekend. I don't know where we're eating at, but I'm still excited. Ooh! And we can catch you up on all the crazy-ness that has occurred since.... Karaoke & Thai of Norcross day.

With love,

Raven

Day 9: Someone You Wish You Could Meet

Dear Barack Obama,

I know you don't know who I am, or that I voted for you in the freezing cold, standing in like for 3 hours and about 6.5 months pregnant. It was well worth it, especially since it was my first time voting (at the tender age of 17). Well, I would like to meet you just to give you encouragement. I know lots of people don't like your face, or your views, or the fact that you're a smoker, but hey! I think you're doing great. I mean, really, you can't fix a century's worth of damage in a month.

But anyway, if I did meet you, I'd give you a big hug because hugs are nice and make the world happy.

With love,

Raven

Dear Bruno Mars,

I know you are not all THAT attractive. You actually remind me of a chihuahua. BUT your voice is amazing. It makes me happy when I hear it. Will you marry me?? Just asking. I only want to meet you so you can sing to me while I fall asleep. I'd have sweet dreams every night. You just can't sleep in my bed. I like my space. You can sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. =]

With love,

Raven

Dear Hayden Christensen,

I just want to touch your face because it is pretty. And I like your skinny-ness too. That is all.

Love, Raven

Dear God,

I just want to know what you really look like before I die. Are you like the Michelangelo painting of God and Adam? Or like the Hindu god Brahma with many faces in all directions? Or Mahavira and Buddha in a lotus position? Or like the clouds and you don't have a specific look because you are a part of everyone?

I don't know. I just want to meet you.

Love, Raven

Day 8:A Letter to Your Favorite Internet Friend

Dear Favorite Internet Friend,

I do not have you. Not because I don't want to be your friend, but because I don't talk to people I don't know on social networks.

Sorry, but I'm not some crazy Myspace girl who poses in the mirror with provocative clothing and a kissy face in order to attract attention from boys (or girls).

I hope you don't take this offensively. I'm just telling the truth...

Sincerely,

Raven

Day 7: A Letter to Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Since I don't/never had a girlfriend or love, and already wrote one to Mr. Crushy...

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

You wasted my time.

But thank you. Thank you because now I know I deserve the best for myself, and you will not nor ever will be able to provide this.

So I thank you.

Sincerely,

Raven

Day 6: A Letter to a Stranger

Dear Stranger,

I don't know who you are, but if I meet you, I would like for you to not kill me first of all. If I am still breathing after I introduce myself, I would like to you to know that I am unique. My life story is full of twists and turns that has helped make me who I am now.

I'd also like for you to know that I don't like chocolate. So for Valentine's day, please, keep the brown stuff away. Not even white chocolate. Flowers are OK, even though their pollen hurts my feelings...

I also fractured my left ankle and never went to the doctor to fix it. I thought it was a sprain. So if you see me limping on some days (especially when it's extra cold), it is because my ankle hurts me. Not because I'm trying to be a pimp.

I like blogging... I think it's fun. Writing has always been so much easier for me than talking.

I think I have big eyes and nose, but I guess that benefits my sight and sense of smell.... Well, I do smell things easily. My eye sight is shot. No, my eye sight is on life support.

I like colorful pens. Why be bland and write in simple black, blue or pencil when your letters and notes can be a rainbow of excitement! The world isn't boring, why should my handwriting be?

I eat rice for breakfast sometimes... Actually, my favorite breakfast/snack is: rice vermicelli noodles with a hint of soy sauce and a 2 scrambled eggs with a dash of fish sauce and cilantro if I have some fresh. I like its simplicity, low in calories, and fullness it gives me.

I am muscular. Sometimes I don't like it because my body doesn't fit the "American stereotype of a lean, skinny model". I have bulky biceps and muscular thighs and calves. Then again, I wouldn't be able to dance and hold my leg up without support without these muscles. Its a love-hate relationship...

I'm short. And one day I will find a short man, and we will be short together forever in our little house with little clothes, and little dogs, and short-length pants, and short hair, with short children. (But a long life).

Finally, I like to live. I like to have fun, try new things, remember, take pictures, run, jump, fly, swim, dive, cart wheel, flip, roll, tip toe, stomp, and feel. Who knows when one's life will end? This is why I live each day with a smile on my face and all my troubles left behind me.

So, my dear stranger, after all this, you will still remain a stranger. I am merely the author of this entry and you are my silent audience. In the end, you are still a stranger, and I am still Raven.

Signed,

Raven

Day 5: A Letter to My Dreams

Dear Dreams,

I don't really have many of you, or the ones that occur in your sleep. I do have many dreams for my future though.

My sleep-dreams are very weird. All types of crazy things happening that all don't make sense, or contain ideas I day dream about, but with more twists and hills. But I only sleep-dream about 4 times a year... I guess its because I'm so tired all the time, I never remember them, or just don't have them.

As for goal-dreams, they run my life. I dream of becoming a doctor (if I don't die in medical school). If I don't become a doctor, I'd love to be an anthropologist, learning about people and writing books about them. I don't know why I find people, culture, rituals, and religion all so fascinating. Maybe its because I don't really have any of that myself...

I also dream of traveling the world. There's so much out there to see and experience, and many people never get to do this. I want to learn, eat, breath new things and teach Mia about it. Maybe I can teach her to be as open minded and caring as I am...

My final dream is to find happiness within myself. To be relatively stress free and content with where I am in my life. Being financially stable. Watching Mia grow up and making her own choices. A house on the beach. A chihuahua or two sleeping at my feet. And a loving husband by my side as we watch the waves go by. Of course, that may not all completely happen, but something like that would be lovely. Simply lovely.

So, the only thing I have to say to you, Dreams, is please come to see me soon and please make me happy.

With love,

Raven

Day 4: A Letter to a Sibling

Dear Rishona, Nwenna and Callie,

Sometimes I wish you guys were brothers. Only because I don't know what it would be like to have one. But you all turned out to be girls, and I have learned to live without male influence.

Actually, I'm happy you guys are girls. Boys fart and do gross things just like Khai. I can't live with that.

Anyway, it's strange that we all grew up in the same household, same parents, same gross food, same country lingo and Louisiana Myths, but all turned out with very different personalities. Me being the smartest and Wenna being the dumbest. Callie and Rishona are in the middle. =D

But I guess that's the joy of having sisters. It's like having a group of friends you can make fun of your parents and call them out for crazy things and not worry about offending anyone. Or making fun of each other and saying mean things knowing it's out of love. "Man! You're such a ree-ree!" "That's why your butt is so huge." "You're booty is big? What booty?" "You must have met him in the dark because he is UG-LY!"

Even though we don't always get to see each other often and hang out (especially since Callie wanted to run away and now ignore me like I'm a bad ex-boyfriend), I know deep down we all care about each other very much. I'm glad I have such a variety of sisters. One that can whoop some tail and cook good, one that thinks she's my mom & crazy, and one that is the Stimpy to my Ren.

With love,

Raven

Day 3: A Letter to Your Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you for having me. I hope I haven't made your lives too crazy and stressed out because now I know how hard it is to raise a child. Especially not knowing if you are raising them correctly.

Now that I am older, I have come to appreciate the little thing you guys have done for me over the years. From putting me in gymnastics, to throwing birthday parties, to reading me bed time stories, to buying me a car, to just keeping a home for me to live in. Some people don't have parents that care as much or can provide as much as you guys have. Even if it meant sacrificing something for yourself to make me happy, you did it.

I can't believe it took me 17 years to realize how much parents are taken for granted. Everyone says, "Oh, I hate my parents won't let me do this and that. They're so annoying! They expect too much." But deep down, it just shows you care. If you didn't set rules or didn't call at 11:59pm to see if you'll be home by 12am, we would feel as if you didn't care about what we were doing... I guess the complaining is just a form of tough, teenage love.

Now that I'm 20 and a parent myself, I can see things in the perspective that you guys do. I want the best for Mia the same way you want the best for me. And even though I have made you mad in the past, I hope I am making you proud now.

I know I don't say it enough, but I love both of you and thank you.

With love,

Raven

Day 2: A Letter to Your Crush

Dear Crush,

I am going to be vaguely descriptive because you can not know who you are and that I find you attractive... Well... you can't know right now...

I honestly would not have expected to form a crush on you out of nowhere. Just one day, BOOM! And you are the best thing smoking... Well, you aren't actually smoking because you are a good human being... I hope.... It doesn't look like you smoke. You're teeth are far too white and you don't smell like cancer when you pass me by. Yes, I have noticed because I'm creepy. ^__^

Well, you seem like a nice person, smart, calm, pretty, cool, pretty cool....
It's kind of pathetic because I'm like a little elementary school-er too shy to confront you and say, "I think you are nice. Let's talk over coffee!" But I am a scared little girl. A scared, scared little girl afraid of rejection.

I can not express everything that comes to my mind when I think of your face because you might think I am crazy... And I can be a little, but if we do become friends, hopefully you will accept my quirky personality as a good trait to have.
Who knows! You might be quirky & weird too. We can be awkward together!

You are so cute. :]

But anyway, this is all I am going to say, and hopefully we can become friends. And who knows! Maybe we will become more than friends. (Yippee!)

With love,
Raven

Day 1: A Letter to Your Best Friend

Dear Best Friends, Thanh and Adiam,

I can't believe I've know you guys for nearly 6-7 years. What would I do without you two? You guys have made my move to Georgia worth the stay because, seriously, I was gonna run away from here as soon as we graduated.

I love you guys. I really do. Homo. (lol)

I don't know how many times I'll sit in class & just flash back to some crazy encounters we've experienced. Like getting lost in the ghetto. Running through the Mall of Georgia fountain & walking through the mall soaking wet for new clothes. And can you believe that crazy girl asked us if it was raining outside?! It was bright sunny and like 90 degrees!
That time homeboy slapped me and I drove off. The Troy parties after school. Our hooker homecoming dresses!! I don't know how we got away with that one... Spray painting shirts. That baseball game at school we did NOT belong at. HILTON HEAD FUN! So many memories, so little time passed....

OMG! And I love our code names. Tiger, Jelly, Powerade, Egg Roll, Ralph, Whitey, Water, Money, Travis, M, Potato, Faux, etc...

Ahhhh... Why are we so crazy?

I'm glad I got to know you guys and realized how boring my life would be with out RAT. Sure we've had our ups and downs but what relationship doesn't? And we pretty much are all in a relationship with each other if you think about it. (lol) That's why if I am not married by 40 and neither are you guys (or one of you), I am going to marry you. Yes. Yes I am. We will have a polygamist marriage and I'm sure by then marriage for all sexual orientations will be legal. (lol) Just kidding. I'm sure we will all be happily living with our beautiful families and Mia as the babysitter.

I can't express how happy I have been since I've met both of you. I hope we will grow up together, sipping cocktail in some cafe in Italy, reminiscing about our lives as BFFs. We're a match made in Heaven, and I am proud to say that Mia as a bomb Godmama Thanh & smokin' Auntie Adiam. ^__^

With love,
Raven

30 Days

30 Day Challenge.

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

My Dream Partner

Every person has a dream husband, wife, prince charming, damsel in distress, or as I like to call it, my dream partner! Solely because I don't like the word "husband". Has too much baggage & seen as a superior being in the household in Western thought. Partner has a more equal connotation.

Anyway! Here is how he would be like all mixed into one person (Using celebrity personalities, talents and looks):

Bruno Mars. Sure, he's not much of a looker but boy can sing! He's so talented! I love talent! I love him! (See the correlation?) A guy who can write a song for you AND sing it beautifully is just lovely. Go youtube or iTune some of his songs. =D

Hayden Christensen. Isn't he just adorable! Who wouldn't want to wake up to that everyday! Awww! Like a newborn baby gone through puberty. ^_^

Um...If you've seen Takers, you might know why I would like him to be like Idris Elba... That's all I'm going to say... Plus, who doesn't like British-y accents?!

Chris Brown's violence. NOT ON ME THOUGH! I just wanna know he can kick some boo-tay when needed. Just never mine. Plus, I want someone close in age!

Waka Flocka Flame. Now you're probably wondering, "Raven, why this thugnificent dude?" Well, I would like to have partner who is fairly into gangsta rap. I do have a fairly black side you know! Can't be bumpin' to Britney Spears and Whitney Houston every day!

Anthony Bourdain's love of travel. I like the world; you should too. Let's go explore it together!

Patrick Star's stupidity. Can't have a guy who's too smart. That would be no fun! But not THAT stupid... Just a little dumber than me. =]

Travie McCoy's awkwardy goodness and hair... Before it went bye-bye. I like hair. I like big hair! I like weird people. They keep it entertaining. Put both together & you are rockin' it!

Sure, it's highly unlikely, but a guy who is like the Buddha would be great. Enlightened, wise, compassionate, willing to help others. Ahh... All into one.

If there was anyone as great as my BFFs, I would never let him go. They're already the best boyfriends anyway. Learn from them! Enough said.

Hayley Williams from Paramore. Yeah... I just threw her in here because I keep having dreams that we are lovers so there must be something about her I like.... Or at least in my dreams I do.

Tis all.

Until next time....

Phở-King Adventure: I Luv Phở

Destination: I Luv Phở

Address: 4650 Jimmy Carter Blvd

Suite 133-B
Norcross, GA 30093

Hours: Tuesday-Sunday *24hours*

You got that right. Open 24 hours a day, 6 days a week. How convienient! I you don't feel like having the regular old McDonald's or Taco Bell as a late night snack, you can swing by here & snatch up some phở!

I went to this place last Friday. Surprisingly, it was nicely decorated, clean and a normal crowd of people. I thought it was going to me some trash heap since it's open forever.
They have a variety of food like most Viet restaurants. (Bahn Mi, Phở, Bun, Fried rice, egg rolls, etc...) They also have Boba tea! But I didn't try it...

I am more worried about the pho than any thing else.

The small bowl was a nice amount. Just enough to fill you up. On top of that, it's cheap! Like... $5.25? I can't remember exactly, but even the Large bowl was about $5.75 and the Extra Large bowl was around $6.25. Enough of price, let's talk about taste. It was the prettiest bowl of phở I have ever seen! Nicely decorated with thin, red onion slices, onions, and what not. Even the herb bowl was in a cute little boat shaped plate. The water had oranges in it, which, surprisingly once more, made the water taste nice. Not too strong like lemon but a nice, citrus wave.

And the Phở was nicely flavored. Not too bland but not overly powerful. Nothing like Yany Express (my fave place) but it's FAR better than Phở Mimi, Saigon Cafe in Duluth and Phở Hien, which is now closed down...

Adiam's meat was quite fatty though... Mine wasn't. So if you like fat, I suggest getting the well done brisket. I got the brisket and tripe I believe and literally, there were about 2 tiny pieces of tripe. Really?! Two?! Yes. I am serious. On top of that, I almost died eating their jalapeños. My mouth, ears, nose, eyes were all on fire. BEWARE OF THE JALAPEÑOS! Only eat if you want to die. And I like spicy crap!

But overall, it is a nice restaurant. Clean, clean bathroom, good food, especially if its late at night! How good can u get at 3am than this? Try it, you might like it.

And I will continue my journey to find the best phở place in Atlanta. Until then, Yany Express still has my heart.

Until next time,

The Phở-King, Raven

Healthy Sexy Hair Conditioner!

I love this conditioner... I don't know what it does but it makes the my world of hair a whole lot better.

It's from the Sexy Hair products collection. (Big Sexy Hair, Curly Sexy Hair, Straight Sexy Hair, etc...) It can be a bit expensive. Luckily, I got one of the mumbo jumbo 33oz bottles for $12.99 when the regular price is $25. The regular price for a bottle that size (see above picture) is about $14.99.

But enough about money, let's talk about why I enjoy this product! Well, it makes my hair NICE! Soft, easy to comb through, fluffy. And since I am transitioning to natural curls, it somehow makes my hair so much easier to comb through and untangled. I don't know how but it's almost as if it beats the naps into submission with a belt. On top of that, it adds moisture to your hair! I don't know if it add extra vitamins into my scalp or what but it does make it easier to manage my hair, especially when it's wet & curly.

Now, this is not on of those "only for Caucasian & straight people hair" products or "solely made for women of color" things. This is for everyone! All hair types. (It even says it on the website)

Now, you are probably wondering why I am only reviewing on the conditioner. Well, the shampoo has Sodium Lauryl Sulfate in it, which strips the natural oils from your hair. Now, people with straight & oily hair can use products like this without worry because straight, oily hair is not cute. Curly haired people (of all races) have dryer hair because of the amino acid structure, thus making it good to preserve the oils in your hair. Which is why I don't use that shampoo. It makes your curly hair dryer than it needs to be.

I usually do a conditioner wash now that it takes longer for my natural oil hair to reach the bottom & use a tiny bit shampoo that has sulfate in it to remove excess dirt & oil until I can find a sulfate free shampoo around here...

But yes, good product. Good ingredients. Try it. =]

I'm actually about to wash my hair now!

Au Natural sans le Chop #2

So, it's been 3 months and 2 days since my last relaxer, perm, chemically induced hair coma, creamy crack for the hair treatment, whatever you want to call it!

I have realized that I am more gentle with my head than i would handle a premature kitten. I guess it's because I am terrified that my hair will break off into little pieces and I'll be left with half my hair gone.

But that could be my excuse to go bald... *HINT HINT: who's up for it?!*

But anyway! I still don't know what my "hair type" is. There's like 1 inch of curly happiness and about 8-10 inches (guess-timation) of dead, killed-in-the-hair-war relaxed ends....

BUT there is enough curly goodness for me to pull out a strand and take a picture of it! Look, look, look!

I had to edit the crap out of the picture for you to see the hair strands. I have really, really, almost non-existent-ly thin strands of hair. Literally, it was almost not visible on the white piece of paper...

But yes, you can see where its straight & chemically straightened & my NEW curly hair at the top! Yay! it's growing quite fast too. =D

But it's weird how the strand on the right is curlier than the one on the left... I have 2 different hair textures?! Hum... this could make things more complicated... Type 4a or 4b or 4c?! I don't know!

But I will eventually get my Leela James fro...

Or maybe extra curly like Esperanza Spalding...

It's hard to tell what my kinky-naps will be like since there is an Irish gene floating around in my gene pool (which explains the orangey-brown & oily hair I have). *Contemplating*

Eh, either one, I will be happy with my naturally flowing, genetic hair because not everyone is able to have it! In yo face! >=D

I don't know why it took me this long to embrace my natural hair-ness when people know I am one BIG advocate for natural beauty & my disliking of makeup, plastic surgery, injections, etc.

Sure, I wear the occasional eyeliner & mascara but that is only for enhancement of my eye shape. Its not like I NEED makeup to leave the house or be seen by the public eye! I don;t know how to put on foundation and eyeshadow is not to my liking.

I shall embrace the motherland and hopefully learn some tips to tell about my hair rehab & detox story.

Tis all for now,

Peace, Love & Embracing Natural Beauty

Raven-ly Thoughts

Thoughts that run through my mind in...30minutes...GO!

+The world wouldn't have so many arguments if there were no religions. With no religions, people wouldn't have any rules to live their lives, which can cause wars. Win, lose situation.

+High schoolers make me angry with their stupidity and naive ways, but they will learn.

+I would rather be single and happy than believing I must change myself in order for someone to accept me. I am Raven and I will not abandon myself in order to please an individual.

+I'm terrified to fail... Enough said. The top is my goal and nothing lower than that.

+I think my birth control is making me emit some strange pheromone that calls all the boys to the yard. I am NOT used to this kind of attention.

+I miss being ignored like how I was in high school. Now people know who me & my friends are when they didn't even give us the time of day or even a glance 3 years ago.

+My music playlist could please any group of people. Emo, country, hip hop, R&B, rap, pop, techno, Latin, KPop, Viet, etc... You name it, I probably have a song or 2 you'll enjoy.

+I want to live in another country for a year or more...Just to see how different people live compared to how I grew up. Now, where to live?

+I don't like dancing with boys. I guess it's the fact that I was ignored by the male species for about 17 years of my life that makes me uncomfortable and I don't think I'm good enough...

+Do racist Caucasians people tan? I would think they would scorn the sun and stay inside all summer.

+I've never been on a real date. You know, like the one's on TV where you get to know the person before you actually get into a relationship. Never been. Actually, I don't think people do that anymore...

+Sometimes I look and Mia and still can't believe that 23 of her chromosomes are mine. It's still surreal to me after 18months.

+I have learned to be myself, express myself and stop trying to be someone I am not. Who else is better at being you than you?

+I am avidly against marriage for myself solely because I don't believe a man could truly accept me, my lifestyle and beliefs. I'm a complicated one and don't think I'm the "wife type". Once I find someone who can understand me, I will change this thought.

Tis all I can think of... Enjoy.