This I Promise You...

So, now these days with all the crazy relationship hype, "hook ups", one night stands, threesomes, foursomes, many-somes, and whatever else there is out there that I missed, it's hard to think there are any serious relationships left. Really.

But there are! And they're real!

Of course, I am not cool enough to be apart of this

clique, but maybe one day I will. =D

Woo-hoo!

Anyway. People in these "serious relationships" occasionally exchange gifts. Flowers, chocolates (ew!), clothing, jewlery, etc...

But I think the one thing many girl (and guys.... if you're that way) would love to get/have is a promise ring.

I know. AWWWWW! How cute! *tears of joy*

A beautiful piece of jewlery that shows that your love is dedicated to just one person (guy or girl) until you get married or die.... which ever comes first.

"Your in a wonderful relationship. Suddenly, on your 2 year anniversary, he pulls a box out of his pocket. You open it and see its a beautiful, sparkling ring lookin' you in the face! You squeel with excitement and put that baby right on you finger."

Sounds like a perfect teenage love story. Now you have some blang-blang on yo finger to show off & flaunt in front of your friends, family, strangers, your dog, etc. that says "Hey! I gotta man and he loves me so much he put a ring on it."

To me, I don't care about those types of things. If I was with a special someone, I wouldn't pressure him into getting me a promise ring just so I can show off to other girls that "I gotta man & he luh me!" (yes, I used "luh" not "love" to add emphasis on a ghetto accent) Singin' "Single Ladies" to him in his sleep so maybe he'll get the hint subconciously. ("If you like it then u better put a ring on it")

To Rav.en, rings don't symbolize jack to me unless you are getting married. Other than that, you can get me a ring. But to me, that doesn't necessarily mean you're not going to leave me for someone else or some other booty on the side. He might have got you the ring to make you shut up so he can sleep in peace. And not for the right reasons. As in "I'm getting you this ring to symbolize our love for one another." Not "Here trick. Now will you stop bothering me?!"

Serious heart break if he said/meant that.

But yes. Material possesions are not everything. I don't need a Bentley, Mercedes, Jaguar, some Cognac, a little yacht, or a vacation on a beautiful Croatian beach to show that someone cares. (But that Bentley & vacation would be nice)

To me, I don't need a ring to show or symbolize my feelings for someone I've been with for a while & deeply care about. Just knowing that we're on the same page is good enough for me. =D

Plus with this whole recession thing, who got money or good enough credit fo' a ring? Fo' realz.

Sin poemas y sin flores. Con defectos, con errores...

So we all have imperfections.

And don't think you don't.

I'll find them.

But the thing about imperfections is that they make us who we are. Makes us different. Unique. Beautiful. Sexy.

So I'm going to be out there with mine so maybe it will make someone out there who doesn't feel too great about themselves not feel alone. (Becuase I'm just THAT kind) =D

Where do I start?

+Oh! I can NOT leave the house looking indecent. I have this weird feeling that SOMEONE might pop outta nowhere & take a pic & put it all over Facebook Myspace, Flickr, Photobucket, de.lici.ous, xanga or anything! I even hate going to get the mail in PJs and jacked up hair. OMG.... I hate it. I run to the mailbox & run back inside. I just feel like looking ugly will be the death of me or something if someone sees how I truely look. ugh.

+Here's a big one. I have two different big toes. I know. How did this happen? One looks like my mom's & the other looks like my dad's. Now everyone is going to be looking at my toes but whatever. LOOK! Take a picture with it!

+My pinky toes are like... strange. But I like looking at them even though its SO weird. It's my trademark. Gonna open a nail shop called "Pinky Toes & All". It runs in my family. Both of my biological sisters have it & Mia is the only grandchild to inherit the infamous pinky toe. Ooooh! (They're gonna hate that I put their pinky toes on blast)

+I'm only 5 foot and half an inch. Why won't grow that extra half of an inch? Only God, Buddha, Mohammed, Confucious & Jesus know why. (Yes, I support all worldwide religions, even Wicca)

I'm short, ok.

+I have little boobies! And I am proud. I shake them around (as much as they can move) and I love them! They grew since I had Mia. I mean really, an A cup isn't much to deal with... but hey! Now that I'm a whole B now, let's celebrate! **Pops -virgin-champagne**

+My legs won't get any darker. They're like.... 2 or 1/2 shades lighter than my face & arms. Pretty sad.... I guess because I wear jeans year round but whatever. I like my jeans. Shorts make me feel exposed & whore-ish. Yet, I can wear a bathing suit with no worries... hum... I'll never get me...

+I can't walk past a mirror or my reflection without looking at myself. Insecurity? Maybe. Cocky-ness? Possibly. Mixture of the two? I think so.

+I think I could shed a couple more pounds. But then again, who doesn't? Except people from countries & ethnic groups who enjoy "thick women" who have "meat" on them. So to those people I looks good. But sorry. I could lose a little stomach flab, thigh crust & arm jiggle over here! (To me atleast.)

+My eyebrows have their own mind. They may be thin but they grow everywhere. Sometimes I just wanna shave them off & get them tattooed on, but I wouldnt look good with thin, live eye brows. I look better with the kinda think Beyonce type brows of the eye.

Well, that's all I can think of right now. I hope you enjoyed my imperfections to look at your own & realize that they're there for a reason. Embrace them. Love them. Love you!

And yet another journal entry...

"Dear Mia,

Things have changed in your short 5 & a half months of life. Today you finally got to meet your Auntie Callie. Although she doesn't look like Mommy or your other Aunts, she is still your aunt. End of discussion. *Laughs* She is my closest sister and my best friend, and I'm glad she got to see you for the first time so soon because Mommy went nearly 3 years without seeing her, and yes. It hurt. It meant alot that she came to visit the family because even though she's "the adopted daughter" and moved so suddenly, we still always thought and cared for her. Always.

But enough of that. Some things may be changing soon with our lives. I'm not sure how I'll react or, especially, how you'll react because you seem to have quite an attitude for such a small child...But I hope these changes are for the better and will make both of us happier. You know all I care about is your happiness. And even though Mommy has been going through some rough patches right now, you always manage to help me forget about them for a while when I see your glowing face laughing at me. But you aren't making me happy right now. You threw up in your hair while you were sleeping. Now you stink, and I wasn't about to wake you up to give you a bath. But it's ok. It's a good stink & you'll be mhy clean little stinky in the morning..."

If Little Kids Ruled the World...

I thought this was too funny to pass by....

If Little Kids Ruled the World
by. Alice Bradley
(Found in Parents magazine, July 2009 issue, page48)

Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for your interest in remaining my parents. Below is a list of my demands.

The Toddler Contract

I. Food
1. For breakfast, there will be only milk from my sippy cup while I’m watching television. (See section II)

2. From breakfast until what you probably call lunch, I will be provided with an unending supply of cookies. No arguments.

3. For lunch I will eat yogurt. Anything containing fruit on the bottom will make me pick out the fruit and throw it on the ground or else throw it up on your carpet.
a. So no fruit on the bottom.

4. From lunch until dinner I will enjoy having something to lick. Why not a lollipop? Why not seven?
a. Between licks, I may place the lollipop on your grandmother’s Turkish rug. This will be ok by you.

5. For dinner I will have macaroni and cheese. Any attempts to give me vegetables in addition to the macaroni and cheese will result in tears.
a. And don’t you dare hide anything in the cheese sauce, because, my God, how you will rue the day.

6. After dinner, you may provide me with ice cream
a. No frozen yogurt. Trust me, I know the difference.

II. Television
1. The TV will be on all the time, unless I say differently. You are to sit by my side, quietly, hands folded in lap, while I watch my shows.

a. You may arise to fetch me a snack.

2. No diaper changing or pleas to engage in physical activity will be tolerated during watching of television.

3. Turning off the television will result in much kicking and screaming.

III. Toys
1. There will be many
a. They will always be strewn about the house so that I may simply reach down and pick up a toy, no matter where I am.

b. They will always be loud, complicated and contain small pieces. I enjoy shooting noises that go w-shoooop! or zim zim zim.

c. Nothing that results in any type of learning, please.

IV. Friends

1. They should be available whenever I’m in the mood to use someone else’s toys or ingest someone else’s cookies.
a. These friends may not ever so much as look at my toys of cookie supply.

b. Ever, ever , ever.

V. Sleep

1. Is when I say, where I say and how I say. If I want to sleep upside down with my legs locked around my neck, then that’s how it will be.
a. And you will enjoy it.

VI. Affection

1. Occasionally I enjoy being hugged and kissed. I stress occasionally

2. I will not be pelted with wet-mouthed assaults on an hourly basis. Should you feel the need to hug or kiss, you must provide me with a written request.
a. And then wait for me to offer my pudgy cheeks.

Signed X___________________________________________

I bet Mia feels that way all the time...

It's you, or is it me?

This is a very nice song by Secondhand Serenade.

Which, surprisingly, is a one-guy-soloist... Not a group.

The song is about a guy who is fighting with his girlfriend and now that its over, he's recollecting on if it was her fault, or his own.

And now that it's over, he wants her back...

I thought I'd blog about it because it describes how I felt exactly a month ago.Sitting, thinking if I made the right decision.... If I should go back... If I should give it another chance for the

429,937 time.... until I realized that its my life. I need to do what I believe is best for me. And Mia. We're one. Mi-ven. And I should be able

to run my own life. Wear what I want, say what I want, smoke what I want, drink what I want without worrying

if I'm going to upset anyone or cause a fight.

And this was me after I fully thought out my situation.

Yes, no reason to sulk over.

I got over it and I am ok.

This is me now.

Lol. No. But if there's any volunteers who wanna back it up, please feel free to do so. lol.

This is me now.

Minus the platinum credit cards.

But I like this song. *sigh* now if I were only that bold to just cuss a dude out.

oh wait. I am that bold ^___^

lol.

so that's my youtube blog. there may be some more coming your way soon!

Peace out homes.

"I'm gettin' old sonny."

My jebus, how time flies.

I just had a baby 5 months ago.

I'm turning 19 in 4 months. No. Closer to 3 months.

I'm heading back to school in 2 months.

*sigh* feels like yesterday I was still a sophmore in high school with not a care in the world.

Now I'm old. For the first time in my life, I am starting to get cellulite. It is horrifying me that I'm just letting myself go like this! Where is my motivation to work out?? Maybe because I'm still anemic from my pregnancy & I'm always exhausted.

Also, for the first time, I am terrified to put on a bikini. I kind of hate that I was in such good shape back then. Because of that, my stomach had NO WHERE to stretch; causing Mia to push & separate my ab muscles, & pull my skin tremendously. (Since I had NO LAYER OF FAT on my stomach what so ever) Ugh. Why did I have to be an over- acheiever & have to work so hard on my abs & now they're destroyed? Literally. I'm just not being able to pull myself to a sitting position with just my abdominal muscles. Its pretty sad...

I went from this in April 2008:

to this January 20, 2009 (the day before Mia came):

and I wont put what it looks like now. You'd probably gouge your eyes out. =/

It depresses me...

My back hurts occasionally.

I'd kill for a good massage. Yes, I said KILL... <__<

I think its from a dancing injury. I used to fall on the hard gym floor occasionally when doing turns & such. But who knows? But I'm glad its not like how it used to be. My back would hurt so much, I would limp around the house & it would be hard to get up. (Especially when I was a preggo)

But on the bright side, my acne went away! =D

God, I don't get acne, but when I was pregnant, you coulda called me Pizza Face Raven. For real. I was hideous & I'll admit it. I'm surprised my baby daddy stayed with me cuz my face was buggin! Gracias a Dios I didnt take any pics then.

Also, I have boobs. ;]

That's right. Boobs. Yes, Girls have the chesty area, but back in the day, I had NONE. Non-existent, gone, zip, nada, zero. (ask Adiam. She has proof) I had a vacant sign on my chest. My boobs were M.I.A. But thanks to Mia (what a coincidence), I went from an A to a B!! WOO-WOO! That's a big leap. Really. I went from where I couldn't pay to have cleavage to where I gotta put a leash on these puppies! They be tryna make an appearance when I'm not lookin!

My hair is a lot healthier. But I'm SO glad its not all oily anymore. Gosh. I was happy to have my dry, old black hair again because I used to have to wash my hair every 2-3 days or my hair would be so oily, I'd be bringin' back the Jerry Curl. And every black girl know how tedious black hair can be. If you don't know..........not my problem....... *in ghetto alter-ego tone* Buh Mia gah dat guuh hurr yo. All da guhs gon be ha-in' on hu hurr.

Translation: Mia's hair is considered nice & manageable and every african american girl will be jealous they do not have her type of hair.

For those who don't read ghetto.

I guess out of the bad things, good come out also. But nothing can make me feel better about my stomach. It's like the devil taunting me. I guess this is my punishment for being agnostic & not going to church... but I still believe in God! I just add in my 2 cents.... Maybe one day, I'll be able to strut my shit in a bikini again... Until then, I'll just wear a tank top or t-shirt to the pool like the chubby little boys with boobs......

oh damn. That was mean. That's why I have this problem.... *laughs on the inside*

Whatcha lookin' fo?

Have you ever had someone who looked for the bad in everything & just couldn't find it?

I have and it is not the greatest thing to experience. It's even worse when its a parent or a person you're in a relationship with.

I know someone who always looked for something wrong. If I was texting someone while walking through the door & didn't say "Hey" it was a disaster. "Who u texting? You're new boyfriend? You can't say 'Hi'?"

If I'm not talking as much: "What's wrong? You're not happy with me? Is there someone else?"

If I didn't text back fast enough: "Oh. You must be texting your new boyfriend."

I got so tired of it that I just wanted to yell out "Whatcha lookin' fo?! *hint: the title* Are you trying to convince me to cheat so you can prove your point?!"

I thought it would end when I was pregnant because who wants a pregnant girl? Honestly? What guy snatches up himself a preggy?? Exactly.

I looked like a whale. I literally looked like & felt like I had a basketball under my shirt that would move & kick your hand.

See! Look at this! Who would want a new girlfriend that looked like this?

But being the nice person I am, I never said anything.

I did the quiet, subtle thing, and left.

I can't deal with a person who would sit there and worry about me cheating that much that it crippled our relationship. Really. I'm better off alone. Even if it means I'd have to work twice as hard to live a stable life.

I never knew how important trust was in a relationship was until then...

But I'm done with that era of my life & moving on to bigger, badder & better things. =]

Just me, myself & I.

It's been almost a month on my own now after a year, 3 months & I cant remember how many days with the same guy & a baby later.

And you know what? I like it. And I'll keep liking it until I can find someone worthy of the great Raven's presence & time.

Really... We all deserve a good guy or girl more than once in our lives. Don't we?