Valentine's Day and Raven

Yes, the beloved holiday of love, laughs, couples and gooey, lovey, dovey, mushy crap all girls adore and all guys sweat over. Mmm. Can't you feel it in the air?!

Sorry, I am not a festive person and definitely not into the whole "dating", "boyfriend", "commitment" kinda think at the current moment. I could care less.

But let us begin with the history of this infamous holiday. Who is St. Valentine and why do we waste our time celebrating?:

Valentine's day has history in Christian and Roman traditions. "Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome", and the emperor of the country believed single men made better solider, rather than married or non-single men. Less baggage. He later "outlawed marriage for young men". Valentine believed this was just WRONG to deny young couples the right to marry just because you want a strong army with no baggage at home. He was like "Oh hex naw" (he's a priest! no cussing) and continued to marry these young fellas and their damsels, secretly of course. Of course, some big mouth told King Claudius and "ordered that he be put to death." "While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl". Before being killed for NO reason, he allegedly wrote a letter this pretty lil gal and signed it "'From your Valentine.'" Awww! And the tradition has been going on around the time of his death in 270 A.D. And no, A.D. does not mean "after death". It is "anno domini", which is Latin for "The year of our Lord". You learned some NEW junk today!!

Yeah. That's pretty much the history in a bullet shell. You can read the whole thing here & this is my source of information. Don't wanna plagiarize.

Now, as cute of a story this is, I still think the holiday is kinda... not for me. I don't see why a guy who finds me attractive, nice to be with or enjoyable (well... the first one. No guy who looks at me goes past that) will wait one day out of the WHOLE year just to say, "Hey! I like you." or "Yo! I think you are special." What about the other 364 (and 365 in leap years) days of the year? You forgot about them? I don't know. I've never enjoyed the holiday.

Even back in elementary school when we had those little parties & everyone put candy in their little bags by their desks. Yeah. I gave all my candy to my family because it's primarily chocolate anyway. =/ I was awkward, mute and nerdy. I wasn't significant.

Middle school came along when you actually told your crush you liked them. I was the nerdy, black cheerleader with glasses & braces. Tiny and still awkward, I saw it as a holiday for the hot, fellow popular cheerleaders who everyone liked. Not for the only black chick on the squad.

High school was the first time I received a Valentine's Day gift from a male subject. Yeah, turns out he was an uncreative, jerk face. Him and his friends all went to Walmart the night before and bought their crushes the same thing. So I walked around school with the same flower & bear as about 15-25 other girls. Mmm. Smell the love. Yeah... I went home and partially decapitated the bear when I realized how dumb he was.

Years after that, my friends and I sent each other roses. I got one from an admirer. That's about it.

I've never been on a "Real Valentine's Date". Got the "royal treatment", or felt any more "admired" on this "special day". I view it the same way I view September 17th. I don't see why it is such a big deal.

I guess I'm just not the "romantic type" to feel such need to express my feelings (ever) toward anyone except my daughter. I'm hypothesizing my negative outlook on this "love" holiday dates back to my childhood, which started my disliking and mistrust toward the male species approaching me.... but that's a whole different blog...

Anyway! How do you feel about Valentine's Day? Like it? Love it? Love to hate it? Hate to love it? Just don't care?

Phở King Adventure: Yany Express

So, I'm finally starting my "Phở King Adventure" blogs.

I've only been going to Pho Mimi, and now that I've tried another place that has challenged it, I want to blog about it.

Yany Express

5495 Jimmy Carter Blvd

Norcross, GA 30093

It's a little drive, but very worth it. I was kind of skeptical about trying this place because I had never heard of it, never heard anything about it, and I was scared. The last little place I went to for phở was kinda... not so hot, but decent for a hungry soul.

But I trusted Thanh & Katy's word & tried it out.

Our bowls came. Adiam and I got the "Phở bò chín nạc" (well done brisket. We don't eat raw mess...) and Thanh got something with everything in it and by everything, I mean tripe, brisket, tendon, tongue, feet, fingers. lol. Just kidding...

Like usual, we all grabbed our ingredients to pour into our bowl. I added in a little of everything then tasted it. My goodness, I really didn't need to add in anything! The broth was SO flavorful that it really didn't need much of anything at all.

The only problem was that it was SO HOT. Omg. That water on the table actually came in handy that day. It was like we had to blow out noodles for about 2 minutes just to let it become edible.

The brisket was cut SO thinly and had absolutely zero fat on it, which is good for Adiam and I because we don't like to eat what is already on our behinds. =D

They gave you the perfect amount of noodles with just the right amount of meat. Some places are stingy with their noodles & meat, but this one was just right. I've been to a place where I had more bean sprouts & meat than I had noodles! That's a waste.

Over all, this place is my FAVORITE pho restaurant so far. Forget Pho Mimi. I'll drive the extra distance for some Yany Express.

Dear Mia,

It's been a long, crazy, suspenseful, fun year, and you are finally turning one. I can't believe that just 365 days ago, you were only 20 inches long, 6 pounds 7 ounces and with pin-straight hair. A little bean that slept about 16 hours a day and clung on to my boobies like a rabid banshee. I could hold you with on arm and I was terribly frightened that you were so fragile that I could break you.

You scared me multiple times this year. From the traumatic labor, and the nurses would not let me see you for nearly 3 hours.
Being stuck in the hospital for 6 extra days because you had jaundice so horribly. It still didn't fully go away until you were about a month and a half to 2 months old.
When we thought you couldn't hear because you wouldn't respond to anything. Turns out, you were just ignoring us.
You hit your head on a corner on the TV set and cried hysterically. I think you still have a little bump back there...
You fell off the bed only 2 times. Recently, I grabbed your leg and arm right as you were fall off the edge backwards. Good thing your mommy has good reflexes!

Besides the scary parts in this past year, we had some funny moments also. You used to punch me in the boob multiple times while you were eating. Then you found it hilarious when you would bite the boobies and look at my face to see the reaction.
And let's not forget how you pooped all over the floor because I wanted to let your booty breathe instead of being cooped up in the diaper all day. I learned my lesson.
You also love to talk about Callie behind her back. One time you were mumbling something to me as she passed by. I asked what you had said and you repeated yourself. When Callie said, "What did you say?", you replied, "Da-da?"
I love your kisses. I just don't love the fact that you like to give kisses, and then bite my face, leaving 3 beautiful little teeth marks. Why you only have on tooth on the top, we will never know. Until the other tooth decides to come join the party, I will continue to call you "One-tooth Patrick".
I will never understand how you seem to dance and pop your booty WAY better than you can walk. I guess it's the black gene coming out...

Now, a year later, you don't look as much like your father's clone, you're walking almost like a big girl and your hair isn't so "pin-straight". More like a head full of curly fries with some napps in the back. You have my sense of humor with a attitude to match. I hope this year will be full of more laughter, smiles and hugs, and less fighting, tears and time apart. I know I will have to be apart from you because of school and work, but I will try my hardest to make up for lost time. And I expect a hug and kiss everyday until you turn 18 or become too embarrassed that your mommy is cooler than you will ever be.

With love, Mommy

Girls, Girls, Girls!

Now, it is time to criticize girls, since I tore apart the boys in the previous blog.

Being a girl, I can take what is wrong with myself and what I see in other womanly people also. This should be fun...

Relationships: Such a BIG topic to girls. If you are like myself and grew up in the 90's, all the Disney movies taught us to always be skinny, with big, glowing eyes, long, flowing hair, adequate waist bust size, and your prince will come to save you. I know what you are thinking. "Ain't no man gonna come sweep me off my feet! I ain't waiting for no prince." In fact, you may tell yourself that, but subliminally, it is embedded into your subconscious. How many times have you daydreamed about a dream, perfect guy coming to you out of nowhere and you live happily ever after? Exactly. We all do. I still do, although I try to suppress it because I know that is impossible, and TV moments don't happen in real life. I wish girls would stop thinking that every guy is good and will love you forever, when in fact, over half of the guys you meet could potentially break your heart and want you for nothing more than a good time. A guy you believe will be around forever could be looking at you and think he's gonna be around for a minute. If we were more independent and stop looking at relationships as our only source of happiness, the less heartbreak would happen. There is more to life than trying to find a prince who is wearing a mask to hide his villainous face.

Break-ups: Oh, dear, how do I start this one? As much as my fellow females LOVE to cling on to their men, sometimes, I don't think it's worth it. Yes, you should cling a little as time progresses, but if you have been with a guy for 1-4 months, I really don't see why he should even have one of your tears. It's too soon to form such a strong bond on to someone. It's not the end of the world and it's not like losing a parent. Just get over it! Years, on the other hand are a little more complicated. It's like you have to rearrange your whole life because you're used to having that person around you all the time. All I can say is fill your life with positive things and positive people and you will be better soon. He's a scum-face anyway. I just think girls need to stop putting so much drama into a break up when it really isn't that grand. Look at it this way! He obviously wasn't the one and now you can find your true mate!

Teenager Girls: I know puberty has set in and you believe you are invincible. Well, the puberty part is true. Invincible?? Not so much. I've gone back to my high school and seen SO many girls who are 14, 15, 16 or 17 walking around like they own the place, rude as ever and in EVERY football players face thinking they can get a shot at being popular. No, life is more than going to every party, drinking and throwing yourself at guys who could care less about you once you graduate. It's sad to see them all acting redundant and yelling through the halls like they're a bunch of banshees! Long acrylic nails with neon colors. Weave all over the place. When you look back when you are 30, you will think to yourself "What was I doing?!" (Or not...) All I have to say is there are more important things than dating the guy on the football team and trying to be Ms. Popular for 4 short years. I guarantee, at the reunions everyone will remember you for your bad qualities, and nothing you did well.

Clothing: Please stop dressing like you are going to work at Magic City. No one wants to know every detail of your butt crack or cleavage or mid section because that's ALL that hangs out. It's really disrespectful to yourself, and like I said before, do you want to look back and say "WHOA!!" or "Oh, I looked nice!" Plus more guys will take you more seriously when you dress in a modest attire rather than, once again, throwing your body parts at their eyes. I think Muslim women are very lucky because the are covered with their hijab and abayah because it keeps men from giving them unwanted sexual advances, AND men are able to look into the woman's eyes, see her face, and be able to fall in love with who she is. Rather than being distracted by the cleavage and backside calling his name. Catch my drift? I doubt any girl would change her attire if she's getting the attention she wants, but hey! It's worth a try... Stop dressing like Nicki Minaj. She gets paid to do that, you don't.

Makeup: There is such a thing called "too much" and some girls over do it. I know some mother don't help with the whole "makeup trying phase" (I know my mom never did!), and there is certain etiquette to putting on makeup so you don't look like a drag queen or wanna be famous. Mascara on the bottom lashes? Can be cute, it you aren't trying to be Twiggy. Cracking foundation or powder that doesn't match your complextion will never be in style. SOOOO much eyeliner that you look like a racoon when you wake up is never adorable. Then again, I guess we're all just following fashion crazes. Except for me. I MAKE them. =P

And remember, you are perfect no matter how tall, fat, skinny, short, pretty, ugly, chunky, plumpy, busty, mean, nice, courageous, shy, gay, straight, bi, trans, psychotic, OCD-ed or insane you are. Everyone is special in their own ways. So what if guys ignore you or you can't seem to find the right boyfriend/girlfriend. There will the day when you won't be searching anymore for who you are, and you will be content with yourself, whether it is alone with 14 cats, or married with 6 kids, 2 dogs and 4 ferrets.

Boys, boys, boys!

Are dumb. At least the ones around my age who are still single and not in a committed relationship or marriage, biblical commitment, etc...

So many times I have been disappointed by the male species. Mama's boys, cheaters, players, broke, mean, gangsters, drug dealers, psychological disorders, shy, awkward, lack of social skills. You name it, I've met it. I'm not sure why I attract such a negative group of young men... I guess I just have the "I'll save you look" because I believe all people are naturally good... and I think I need to reconsider that theory...

Here is my hypothesis of why I believe young men have gone down hill:

The Media: It's all around us, killing us, hypnotizing us, and just bad. It convinces girls they are never thin enough and boys are never strong enough. On top of that, rap music does NOT really emphasize treating girls respectfully; with it [rap] being at an all time high, young boys hear the lyrics, believe it and carry that stigma into their later years. Really. I can find SO many songs about 300 degrading women and like 150 that do not because those took a different route & boosts the illegal substance business. Its a loose-loose situation.

Chivalry: When was the last time a guy pulled out your chair for you or helped take off your jacket? I have NEVER experienced this before. Sure I see OLDER couple demonstrating this small act of kindness mostly because I work in a restaurant and there are an abundance of dates. The young men? Nope. Even when the lobby is crowded, I rarely see a young man give up his seat so a lady can sit down, while daddy & grandpa does it all the time.

Dates: (I think this is only me.) I believe I have been on ONE or two dates where I didn't have to pay for the whole or half of the bill. Never. Never. Never ever ever. Ever. My wallet has been on FIRE since I was allowed to date (16 years old). I haven't been on a date since about May, so t's gotten a well deserved break. I know guys are not obligated to pay for the dinner every time, but it would be nice to treat your lady once in a while, yes?

Gifts: I am NOT a materialistic person. I enjoy earning my own dollars and buying my own possessions. Especially if we break up, I won't resent it! (lol) Birthdays, holidays, just because's, those are sweet and nice. Just do something from the heart that she would enjoy. Even if it is a home made card with a CD of love songs on it. Some guys just buy gifts without thinking OR what their ex's would have liked. (Mmm. My fave)You wanna know how many gifts I have gotten in the past? About two or three. And they are all things that his ex would have enjoyed, as he had told me in earlier days prior to receiving the gift. "She loved pink and hearts." What did I get? A navel ring with pink hearts. I dislike both, dearly, and caught on what he said earlier. On top of that, I was allergic to it. -_- I believe I have spent well over $2000 on food, gifts, gas, clothing, etc... on the male species. Thank God no one finds me attractive right now. I don't think my bank account can handle anymore.

Consideration: Lack of consideration is a face killer to me. I have met guys who go ballistic because his girlfriend has to work all weekend or has to study all night and can't talk. That's just unacceptable. Think about what she is going through compared to your day. Apparently, some young guys don't know the phrase "Take a walk in someone else's shoes."

Hygiene/Clothing: Who wants a stinky thing on their arm? I sure don't. Then again, I don't want a guy who spends more time getting ready than I do. (Approximately 20-45minutes) Also, some guys need to tone down the closet. I understand staying fashionably up-to-date is important NOW, but when you're 30, you will look back and say "WTF what I wearing?"

Babies: If you have a kid, take care of it! Not just when you feel like it. SO many boys are having kids lately and just aren't as ready as they thought. So they run in the other direction and wonder why their "baby mama's" can't take it anymore. Uh hum. When you get old and decrepit, lying on your death bed, you don't want to look back and say "I should have done more". Even though your kid may be young NOW and won't remember anything, they do form a bond very early. If you are planning on dating a girl with a child (i.e. Raven, and more), just don't have the stigma of "let me put up with this kid because I have to." Mothers have a way of spotting these people out, and believe me. It is VERY easy. Easier than you think... And don't expect her to put her kid aside for you. Would you put aside your paycheck for about 2 weeks or would you get it sooner?

Players & Cheaters: After being tricked that you are "the only one he's interested in" for the 3rd time, girls tend to start to figure out the games. This ain't the Player's Club. Ok? This is real life, yo! Cheaters also. Just break up with the girl before you decide to find another girl. Its SO simple and non-greedy.... and non-higher-STD passing-ness. And if you have a hard time controlling yourself, let ya girl know up front so she can decide if she wants to stay or not be so shocked if something happens. Gosh. Now if only guys would listen to me...

And finally, remember, girls are fragile souls... We break easily. Except for Raven. She has no heart to break. Treat her how you would like to be treated, and I'm sure she will do the same back. =D

Now... if only people would actually take this advice for real...

2009.

Within the past 365 days, I believe I have grown up more than I ever would have expected to. Reflect with me, please...

January 2009: I'm 8 months pregnant, withdrawn from school and big as a muther. I caught the flu January and took medicine for the first time my during my whole pregnancy because I wanted my baby to be completely toxin/chemical free. Then, Mia decided to come out of nowhere at 5:05am on January 21st. I didn't even have time to get an epidural, pain medication or anything because I was already 9cm when I got into the hospital. Weighing 6 pounds 7 ounces, she was possibly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and looking just like her father's clone. I just never thought a little baby would put me through so much pain, yet teach me SO much. After 6 LONG days in the hospital, we are finally sent home to be a precious family.

February 2009: Tyler, Mia and I live together in my house. Things are good. Our relationship was better now than it was during the whole pregnancy. I guess it's because we were more like a family. Tyler got a job and everything is looking up.

March 2009: Rishona has a little girl also. Only 6 weeks younger than Mia.

May 2009: Nwenna and Joe get married and she's having a baby. What a growing family...

June 2009: Tyler and I broke up. As much as I didn't want to break up out happy little family or take Mia's father away from her, I just feel like we both wanted different things at that moment. I wanted a strong, supportive father and a loving daughter, while I'm not sure what he wanted. It was extremely difficult, and I'll admit it. I sometimes STILL think (6 months later) if I made the right decision or not. I guess that's life. You win some, you loose some. Things are not pretty at all between us...

July 2009: I finally saw my sister, Callie, for the first time in three years. It was wonderful, especially since the whole family didn't know she was coming at all. Sadly, one of my best friends and Mia's god mother, Thanh moves to South Carolina... I began shopping and charging things to my credit card like crazy as a way to help me cope with the break up. Not a good choice, but it's not like I had anyone to just talk to. The card was my therapy and my killer.

August 2009: I start my school career again after a 7 month break. I was difficult. Being away from home from 8am until sometimes 5, 6 or 7 o'clock. Going home to do homework for hours and hours on end. I seriously don't know how I survived or didn't attempt to self-mutilate myself. I was completely broke, completely lacking confidence and a mother. These things don't match at all. With very little help, I picked myself up and kept moving forward.

September 2009: My credit card bills have been choking me and my wallet. There were times that I wouldn't buy lunch because I had to choose between gas, diapers and wipes or food. I began to loose weight and had utter exhaustion, with the combination of stress from school and lack of eating, along with much hair loss. I seriously did not think I could make it through the school year. Contemplated picking up bad habits to relieve the pain? Yes. Did I act on it? No, because I would be deeply hurt if I was the cause of Mia's suffering.

October 2009: I turned 19 years old and Callie decides to move back to Georgia with the family. It's better this way because she missed ALOT within those 3 years she was in New Jersey/New York. Graduations, birthdays, babies, laughs, tears, love...

And now...

December 2009: My baby is almost a year and has grown up from a squirming little bean into a crawling, soon to be walking machine with her own personality and attitude. She makes me laugh all the time even though she doesn't even know what she's doing. Tyler and I are still not together, but our relationship as mother and father, rather than "my baby mama & my baby daddy". are mending slowly. My finances are so much better now and I don't see as much hair in the sink. I still haven't found a "Prince Charming" to sweep me off my feet, but hey! I'm still young and in no need to rush. Maybe if he'll stop looking at the sluts and see me behind them, he'll come faster. Nwenna has her little baby and survives her crazy labor.

And it's officially 21 minutes into the year 2010. I've been through extraordinary experiences in the past 365 days that have slapped me in the face with multiple wake up calls. From sleep deprivation to collection calls to depression to happiness. I have been through it all. Sure, it hurt me, but Buddha says life is suffering and overcoming it. So, bring on any more challenges. I think I can handle almost anything at this point...

Dear Mia...

So, it's been almost a year since that wonderful and painful day you came into this world. We have been through a bunch of ups and downs, I want to start by apologizing now for some of the things that maybe could have been avoided before I start thanking and reminiscing on the good. As they say, "We all learn to make mistakes and run from them", but I'm not running. I'm facing them.

First off, I'm sorry for me and Daddy breaking up. We were headed in different paths and as much as I wanted (and still want) us to be little happy family, I just can't right now. It's too much for me to handle and I know I'll explain it to you on day, but for now, I'll just leave it at that. It's been 6 months of just me and you. I think you have developed into a fine, mean young lady despite all the statistics of single parent households... Maybe one day we will be a family again. Maybe...

I'm sorry for not having any professional pictures of you, or us ,or you, me and Daddy done. I will one day. I promise. It's just been a VERY rough year for me and whenever I saved up enough for you to get pictures done, some other financial burden came up. Car problems, school books, gas, bills left and right. But I promise. I'll get some done eventually.

I'm sorry for being so stressed out all the time and only wanting to sleep or just be alone. School kicked me in the face this year. Money has sprayed me in the eyes with pepper spray. There were times when I did not think I made the right decision by not putting you up for adoption because I felt horrible that I did not have the time or energy to even feed you, play with you, or even put you to sleep. I'd sit and do hours and hours of homework having 8+ hours of school and work, and by the time I'd finish, you would be sleeping. There were days when I wouldn't see you at all because I went to school at 8am, then drove an hour after school to another job and made it home at 11pm when you were sleeping. But I'm learning to manage my time a little better now and maybe try not to work so much... Not yet though. Mommy still is in a hole...

I'm sorry for not being around as often as I would like to. I never thought I'd never be able to see you and we life in the same house. Leaving the house with you sleeping and coming back home with you sleeping again is depressing. I know one day, it won't be like this.

I'm sorry for being a jealous mommy. Jealous of the other young mommy's who have the lifestyle I wished I could have raised you in. Two parent household, semi-stable family, stable enough finances, and not have to choose whether to buy you a new hat and jacket for the winter, or gas and tires for my car.

I'm sorry for Granny and I fighting in front of you so much. As much as I love Granny, she just doesn't understand that you are my child and believe that my parenting skills are adequate enough. Yes, she is one of the reasons why I can't be around you as often as I would like because she doesn't think I feed you correctly, change you diaper right, dress you appropriately or even breathe correctly. Maybe one day she will back off. No.... No she won't. Not until I can afford to get us our own place, which isn't any time soon. Until then, I guess you'll have two mommy's.

I'm sorry for not being strong enough to tell Granny to back off. I've tried but it just end up in shatters and I'm ignored.

I'm sorry things didn't turn out as happily as I thought they would.

But on the bright side, we have each other and we're still healthy and alive.