The school year is almost over and the only thing I worry about is passing Calculus and Chemistry. I think I might have to take Calc. over again because I can NOT understand my teacher's lessons and I want a better grade than what I am getting. Idk. Math and me used to be friends until college came along. I had never taken any calculus courses in high school because, frankly, my counselors and what not did not believe I was good enough for such "high leveled courses". But, of course, they give the courses to the popular students and the students who procrastinate, copy homework all day and just squeeze by from sucking up to the teachers.
I know not all people did that, but trust me. Some did...
I know not all people did that, but trust me. Some did...
And now I am going to start working at Outback! Woo-hoo. Two jobs. Full week of school. Three hour lab once a week and 2 hour volunteer TPSL hours a week. Gosh. I have no clue how I am going to get all of this done, but it will some how... I hope...
Plus I NEED, not want, but DESPERATELY NEED money at this moment. The call to become a drug dealer has never been so strong... but I know I could never do such a thing, even though it is quick, and illegal money. =/
It's just me taking care of Mia. My mother helps as much as she can, but my daughter is MY responsibility and I need to be able to support her in all ways that I can. That is why I am taking on this second job so I can buy her clothes, formula, take her out to eat frozen yogurt or even buy myself a shirt or shoes for once since I haven't stepped foot into a store to buy myself clothes in SO long. Besides. Who has time to shop when your homework is like another full time job right there. On average, I do homework about... 5 hours a night with a few breaks in between. Its like I have 4 jobs right now. Homework, School, Mia, Work Study, Outback.
Oh, sorry. I can't count. 5 jobs.
It's just me taking care of Mia. My mother helps as much as she can, but my daughter is MY responsibility and I need to be able to support her in all ways that I can. That is why I am taking on this second job so I can buy her clothes, formula, take her out to eat frozen yogurt or even buy myself a shirt or shoes for once since I haven't stepped foot into a store to buy myself clothes in SO long. Besides. Who has time to shop when your homework is like another full time job right there. On average, I do homework about... 5 hours a night with a few breaks in between. Its like I have 4 jobs right now. Homework, School, Mia, Work Study, Outback.
Oh, sorry. I can't count. 5 jobs.
Now, you may be asking, "Where is Mia's father? Why isn't he helping?"
Well, frankly, I don't know what to tell you. We broke up 5 months and 6 days ago. I decided not to bug him with any stress like "when u gonna get Mia? She need this, she needs that, I'm going out, can you watch her?" until he got his life together and decided to step up and be a father to his daughter. (Since he wanted to be the young child with no responsibilities still.) I have put my social life and financial situation on the back burner for this decision. (I've had to skip paying credit card bills to support Mia & myself actually which hasn't made anything easier...)
Well, frankly, I don't know what to tell you. We broke up 5 months and 6 days ago. I decided not to bug him with any stress like "when u gonna get Mia? She need this, she needs that, I'm going out, can you watch her?" until he got his life together and decided to step up and be a father to his daughter. (Since he wanted to be the young child with no responsibilities still.) I have put my social life and financial situation on the back burner for this decision. (I've had to skip paying credit card bills to support Mia & myself actually which hasn't made anything easier...)
I just didn't think it would take 5 months, 6 days and counting to realize that you have a daughter that would like to have her father around. Or realization of, "Hey! I have a kid... She kinda needs things like food, water, clothes, attention, love, diapers, wipes, shoes, hair and bath things, a bed, medicine..." But I guess those things haven't clicked yet...
Does it make me angry? Who wouldn't be? Does it cause more stress? Hell yes, it does. Am I going to change this? Well, I can't unless everyone wants to change. Sure, times are hard.... Rough... VERY difficult right now, but I have survived so far, and we will survive later on in life.
Yes, I'd like to keep my hair and I needed to loose weight anyway, but in the end, things will work out for the better, and I really do believe Mia will appreciate ALL I have done for her as a young mother when she gets older.
She'll look back and say, "My mom had me at 18 with no set plan for the future, no job and just a dream to become a doctor. She was a single mother in an elite college and 2 jobs. She taught herself how to speak and write in Lao so she could teach me also. Despite the homework and stress, she still managed to be there for me when I needed her, when I was sleepy, when I fell down, or even when I wanted her to watch Yo Gabba Gabba and sing the whole theme song of Ni Hao, Kai-Lan to me with a hug. She was always there."
All I really want to do is make my daughter proud of me despite my many flaws and struggles we have in our life right now.
All I really want to do is make my daughter proud of me despite my many flaws and struggles we have in our life right now.
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