Marriage? Relationship status? Facebook?

Gosh! It seems like lately everyone has been getting married & having babies left & right! Every where I look: babies, pregnancy, engagements, "in a relationship" status change, (They say its not offical til you see it on facebook!) marriages, etc...

And then there's Raven. The new mommy with the crazy relationship & internal emotions that are constantly on the rocks jumping from 1 lily pad to another & barely missing the the deep depths of the unknown. (I like metaphors. Alot)

 I dont know what's up with me. People always ask "Are you & Tyler gonna get married??" How am I supposed to know? I just had a baby, so that's about 80% of my income; I have bills to pay; going to school; when would I have time to get married? Let alone think about it.  

Just because people have kids together doesnt mean they were meant for each other, let alone mean there is a shot-gun wedding comin' around the corner. 

Who knows! Maybe I'll never get married. Maybe I will. Maybe I'll turn lesbian! No.... scratch that last one... (No offense to my LGBT brothers & sisters)

I just dont think I'd be ready for that type of commitment at the current moment. Plus, I'm more on the independent side of life. I dont like depending on people for things. That's why I got a job IMMEDIATELY after I turned 16, and have been working ever since.

I just want to make sure that I'm doing things right first with me & the most important person in my life (Miaphoukeokhaiphanliane) before I just throw myself into something so big. Besides! If my little stinker-binker doesn't approve, you gone!

until then, I'll leave you with this...

Magical Days and Avatar Episodes.

As I sit here and look at my little Mia grow, I can't believe how big she's gotten.

Four months ago, she was only 6 pounds 7 ounces. Now she's 13 pounds 10 ounces and wearing size 6-9 month old clothing. 

She is constantly trying to sit up and look around. She plays in her jumper. Talks, laughs at me, smiles at me in the morning. 

She eats baby cereal. I can't believe in just a few months, she'll be crawling, walking, holding a conversation....

Some parts of me wants her to stay little forever. Then the other part wants her to grow up so we can play and have little adventures together.

People always mention how "cute she is" and "the boys are gonna love her!"

which scares me because I'm gonna have to beat them off with a stick! Then it scares me because I don't want her to make bad decisions. =[

I dont know what type of rules to make. I dont want to be too easy and let her take me over, but I still want her to feel like she can come to me for whatever. But I dont want to be her BFF even though we are relatively close in age...

I just want her to stay mommy's little girl. =]

But I know that probably won't happen... until she's about 25...

I guess only time will tell how our lives will turn out in the end...

Moi!

I just decided to write a blog about ME!! =D

• I'm 18 years old and have a beautiful daughter.
• I love watching The View
• I soon hope to get my Doctorate's Degree in Obstetrics/Gynecology (for those whod don't know, that's delivering babies)
• I am extremely afraid to strike up a conversation to strangers and I need to get over it. 
• I love dancing. I still want to try out for So You Think You Can Dance. I think I can go far...
• Dance technique comes very easy to me. 
• I like taking pictures of everything. I'd take a picture of a toe if I found it interesting.
• If I don't get into medical school, then I'm going to be a psychologist. Possibly a child psychologist... not sure yet... I just don't want to be dealing with too crazy of people
• I'm only 5 foot 1/2 inch and both of my sisters are atleast 5 foot 7 inches. I'm not sure what happened with me.
• I never have high waters because my legs are so short! =D
• I don't know how to cook, but I'm learning... slowly...
• I would love to travel the world one day.
• I'm allergic to milk & avacados. (no guacamole for me!)
• I LOVE phở. (A vietnamese beef noodle soup that is bombin'!) It is my favorite food now. Tyler's mom makes some bomb phở & I am soon to try Thanh's mom's....
• Sometimes I imaging being a model, but then realize that I'm tiny...
• I can't pass by a mirror without looking at myself. And anything that resembles a mirror or produces a reflection, I'm jockin' it!
• I think I'm addicted to Facebook, but who isn't?? Besides those Myspace people still. <__<>
• I know how to do my own french manicure & add designs too! Yay for not wasting $20 to get my nails done!
• I would like to be a nail technician part time while in school. It's some good money yo!
• I got my 4 wisdom teeth pulled like... 3-4 years ago & I was still awake. Just numb. And I hated them for not putting me to sleep. 
• I had a natural birth. The doctors were amazed that I didn't have her in the car because I was already 9cm dialated when I got in the room. 
• I had to get so many stitches after I had Mia that the doctor lost count & that took longer than the actual birth. (I like to say that I got a vagi-makeover)
• I don't think I'll ever be able to wear a bikini again... sadly... I have a hurricane of stretch marks. Tyler says its Hurrican Katrina -____-
  
  Well, that's all for now.  I hope you enjoyed it!

And the story goes...

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up.
If a guy punches you he likes you.
Never try to trim your own bangs
& that someday you will meet a wonderful guy 
And get your very own happy ending.
Every story we're told implores us to wait for it,
The third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love,
The exception to the rule.
But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending
That we don't learn how to read the signs.
How to see the ones who want us and those who don't,
The ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.
And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy
Maybe it's you picking up the pieces and starting over,
Freeing yourself up for something better in the future.
Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.
Or maybe the happy ending is this:
Knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts,
Through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain
And everything that went wrong, you never gave up hope." - He's Just Not That Into You

I thought this was a very nice quote. I never waited around for a Prince Charming to just pop up outta nowhere like a crazy man. I've never even planned what I wanted my wedding day to be like, picked out my "futur kids names", dreamt about my wedding dress, decorations, what my life would be like with my loving husbnd & family.

I guess I'm not the typical little girl. I didn't even pick my daughter's name! Her dad did...

All I know is that I've always been an introverted person who is desperately terrified to talk to strangers, never says her true feelings & keeps EVERYTHING inside, and I don't know why. 

Maybe that's why I've always pictured my future as being solitary & just... alone.

I don't  know who my happy ending will be with or when it will happen, all I know is that I have a baby sleepin' on the couch that needs my full attention.

I've never been a sucker for the whole "love" thing because I guess I don't really put my whole self into it? Perhaps?? Maybe? I guess I'm afriad that I may be hurt? I'm not good at expressing my self well, so that tributes to it also...

I can truely say I've never been heart broken; just upset, angered, and then I just end up not caring & drowning the thoughts with music...

One day, I'll get over this challenge of expressing myself & maybe, just maybe, be able to open up to someone if I can find the way how....

Until then, I have one true love & that's my little Fat-fat. :)