Dear Mia,

You are a year and month old already, and running the house as if you are the queen already.

And as you grow more and more each day, I can't get over the fact that I have also. While I teach you how to color, how not to eat or pull on the curtains and how to say you alphabet, you are teaching me that nothing else in the world matters except for loving & caring for you, and my responsibility toward that.

You have taught me that instead of going and crying about everything that goes wrong, to just move on: I could have very well slipped into depression, self-mutilation, anxiety attack after the past 2 days have occurred, but I didn't. Of course I was disgusted, saddened, angry, but then I thought. "Why am I working up all these emotions & raising my blood pressure for someone/something that doesn't care. Doesn't care about how I am affected. Doesn't care about how you are affected?" It wasn't worth it. I put some drama ahead of the thoughts of you, and that is unacceptable. So I pushed that bull aside and kept thinking about what we will do on my day off and how you were at home while I was at work & school...

Sure, it would be nice if I could talk to you about how I feel about everything or even see how you feel about everything going on in your life that directly affect you even though you don't know it yet, but sadly, I'll be doing most of the talking. Sure, you will throw in the occasional "Dada? Baaaaa haa?! B-b-b-b-b." and my favorite, "My muh-muh!", but I'll be the story teller. You can be the commentator. Maybe we can go for a long ride sometime soon and I'll tell you the story of Mommy's life & how much better it is having you here with me.

If I could live all over again, starting from the beginning and choose what I want to happen, I wouldn't pass up when you were born. I might have changed some things between your father and I (especially since I know what I know now), and my financial crisis I got myself into, but I wouldn't even think of saying, "I wonder what my life would have been like without Mia" because if you had not been born, who knows where I would have ended up. I was going down a negative rode & I could tell, and you helped enlighten (not Buddha enlighten!) me enough to make me become a more mature, responsible, wise individual with a stronger character than I have ever thought I was capable of obtaining.

Although it was unexpected, thank you for coming into my life.

Love, Mommy.