Thursday, December 31, 2009


Within the past 365 days, I believe I have grown up more than I ever would have expected to. Reflect with me, please...

January 2009: I'm 8 months pregnant, withdrawn from school and big as a muther. I caught the flu January and took medicine for the first time my during my whole pregnancy because I wanted my baby to be completely toxin/chemical free. Then, Mia decided to come out of nowhere at 5:05am on January 21st. I didn't even have time to get an epidural, pain medication or anything because I was already 9cm when I got into the hospital. Weighing 6 pounds 7 ounces, she was possibly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and looking just like her father's clone. I just never thought a little baby would put me through so much pain, yet teach me SO much. After 6 LONG days in the hospital, we are finally sent home to be a precious family.

February 2009: Tyler, Mia and I live together in my house. Things are good. Our relationship was better now than it was during the whole pregnancy. I guess it's because we were more like a family. Tyler got a job and everything is looking up.

March 2009: Rishona has a little girl also. Only 6 weeks younger than Mia.

May 2009: Nwenna and Joe get married and she's having a baby. What a growing family...

June 2009: Tyler and I broke up. As much as I didn't want to break up out happy little family or take Mia's father away from her, I just feel like we both wanted different things at that moment. I wanted a strong, supportive father and a loving daughter, while I'm not sure what he wanted. It was extremely difficult, and I'll admit it. I sometimes STILL think (6 months later) if I made the right decision or not. I guess that's life. You win some, you loose some. Things are not pretty at all between us...
July 2009: I finally saw my sister, Callie, for the first time in three years. It was wonderful, especially since the whole family didn't know she was coming at all. Sadly, one of my best friends and Mia's god mother, Thanh moves to South Carolina... I began shopping and charging things to my credit card like crazy as a way to help me cope with the break up. Not a good choice, but it's not like I had anyone to just talk to. The card was my therapy and my killer.

August 2009: I start my school career again after a 7 month break. I was difficult. Being away from home from 8am until sometimes 5, 6 or 7 o'clock. Going home to do homework for hours and hours on end. I seriously don't know how I survived or didn't attempt to self-mutilate myself. I was completely broke, completely lacking confidence and a mother. These things don't match at all. With very little help, I picked myself up and kept moving forward.

September 2009: My credit card bills have been choking me and my wallet. There were times that I wouldn't buy lunch because I had to choose between gas, diapers and wipes or food. I began to loose weight and had utter exhaustion, with the combination of stress from school and lack of eating, along with much hair loss. I seriously did not think I could make it through the school year. Contemplated picking up bad habits to relieve the pain? Yes. Did I act on it? No, because I would be deeply hurt if I was the cause of Mia's suffering.

October 2009: I turned 19 years old and Callie decides to move back to Georgia with the family. It's better this way because she missed ALOT within those 3 years she was in New Jersey/New York. Graduations, birthdays, babies, laughs, tears, love...

And now...

December 2009: My baby is almost a year and has grown up from a squirming little bean into a crawling, soon to be walking machine with her own personality and attitude. She makes me laugh all the time even though she doesn't even know what she's doing. Tyler and I are still not together, but our relationship as mother and father, rather than "my baby mama & my baby daddy". are mending slowly. My finances are so much better now and I don't see as much hair in the sink. I still haven't found a "Prince Charming" to sweep me off my feet, but hey! I'm still young and in no need to rush. Maybe if he'll stop looking at the sluts and see me behind them, he'll come faster. Nwenna has her little baby and survives her crazy labor.

And it's officially 21 minutes into the year 2010. I've been through extraordinary experiences in the past 365 days that have slapped me in the face with multiple wake up calls. From sleep deprivation to collection calls to depression to happiness. I have been through it all. Sure, it hurt me, but Buddha says life is suffering and overcoming it. So, bring on any more challenges. I think I can handle almost anything at this point...

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