Update of Raven

So, I haven't written a blog in quite some time.... So here's an update.

I'm learning how to cook. I decided to just look up recipes I was craving and instead of going out an buying it, I'll make it!

The first thing I made was Bun Ga Nuong, which is a Vietnamese grilled chicken salad. It turned out fantastic!!! It was SO good. I'm quite proud of myself especially after ALL that chopping & mincing & marinating. ugh! And the sauce I made with it just made it 10 times better.

Now I made Jiao Zi (Chinese Dumplings) and it turned out quite nice too. A little gingery but still tasty. I'm actually doing quite well with this cooking thing. =D

Once again, sauce = so much better.

Oh god... I'm watching my mom make a Facebook... She doesn't know what she's doing...These are the times I wish I had parents that spoke no English...

Well, the semester is almost over. I have 3 papers to write that are due within 6 days of each other, but I think my history paper will be the death of me. We aren't allowed to use internet sources, 1.5 spacing and heavily footnoted. I hope I'm doing the footnotes correctly... and we must use 5-6 books. Why would he do this to us?!

What else? Mia now knows how to say "that" when she wants something. Or if we are eating and I try to give her something, she'll point and say "that" for what she really wants to eat. (Usually rice or some vegetable.) She's not too big on meat... what a Vegetarian.

I am not looking forward to summer school. Not one bit, but I know I have to in order to graduate within the next 2 years. I just hope I can get a loan to pay off the $8000 to even go to summer school!! -___-

Just looking at my life right now, I really do believe I had reached rock bottom about a month ago. It was hard to even go on with my day to day routine without knowing I'm lying about my happiness. Now that I look at it, how much lower can I go? The only way to go from the very bottom is up! Since I've realize this, I'm much more content with myself & my lifestyle. =]

Tattoos and Raven

So I got my first tattoo on Thursday, March 11, 2010.

It wasn´t so bad actually. Let me walk you through the process...

I picked up Adiam to come along with me because she wanted to document the whole thing and my mom was afraid for me to go alone... Not sure why... but whatever. When we arrived, there were already 2 people ahead of me! And I came 17 minutes after they opened! But it was ok... I just had to wait until 2pm to get mine done... sadly...

Adiam and I went to Starbucks while we waited for my time to come. It was SO steamy in there, I thought my hair was going to frizz up!! When I returned, Kerry, the tattoo guy, was ready to GO! WOOO! I wasn´t... I started to freak out a little while filling out the paperwork but I got through it & made sure I wasn't signing anything that said I had to give up my liver.

So Kerry did the sketch of Mia's footprint, name stencil & we went back to the dungeon.

(and I saw his booty crack...)

He cleaned my back, placed the stencil on my shoulder and that's when my heart started to pound. I endured giving birth to Mia with NO medicine at all & no tears, half of my body was numb during the stitching & no tears; why was I so scared? I guess it was the unknown feeling THIS type of pain.

So Mr. Curly Head started with Mia's name. Small, easy & probably to get me used to the feeling. It wasn't too bad. It felt like a bunch of ant bites but nothing serious. Well... similar to someone poking you repeatedly with a sewing needle. Hurts, but tolerable.

Right after he finished the "a", he jumped RIGHT to the heel part of the foot in circular motions. Now that hurt more. It felt like a mechanical pencil (a pointy one) circling on my back. But after tensing for about a minute, I got used to it & it didn't hurt as much. But when he got to the toes, man. Them toes hurt! I don't know why! But the funny conversations we had during the process made it a lot more relaxing & faster. He's a pretty cool (and funny) guy. And don't forget that nappy hair! =D

He finished in about 20-30 minutes. It was really short & felt like only 5 minutes.. I think him setting up took longer than the actual tattoo! But I love it. The shading matches her actual footprint SO well, and he was a really nice guy, and he didn't charge me my life either. It was cheaper than I thought! I'd get another tattoo by him... Just not any time soon. I need to recover after this one, especially now that its going through it's nasty, peely, flakey, stage. UGH! Overall, the experience was wonderful, not too painful & I had a very nice time there. =]

That baby don't look like you...

It amazes me how much Mia does not look like me and how much she looks like her father, cousin and grandmother.

The only thing Mia and I have in common is our lovely shade of awkward brown that no concealer, foundation and powder ever seems to match. Just magnificent...

But when I pull her hair back, sometimes, she looks a lot like her grandmother. I guess it's a good thing I gave Mia her grandma's first name as her middle name. (lol) This is Grandma Phoukeo holding Mia Phoukeo.

You may not be able to see the resemblance, but when you see her laugh and Mia laugh, you can tell they are related. Even their eye shape is alike.

Now, Mia and her cousin look like brother and sister even though his dad and I look NOTHING alike. We couldn't even say we were related at all.

It's kinda strange, but cute. Because she looks like the girl version of him and he looks like the boy version of her. lol.

Here is Mia, her father and I. Now who does she look like? And don't be nice and say me... lol

When she was born, she looked like his clone. It was kind of scary because it looked like I had no genetic makeup within Mia at all for the first few days... then she turned extra black... But now she's normal shaded like me. =D

Really. Does she NOT look a lot like him? My point exactly.

But no matter how much Mia may not look like me, or people look at me awkwardly when we don't have the same last name (and if I say/spell her last name) or even stare when I tell her to "Maa, gin kao, or baw" rather than say "Come, eat or no", I know she is my little stink-stink. And no matter how much you look like your father and how much we fight and argue, I will still love my Mia P. Khaiphanliane no matter what. Shoot, I'm the one who almost passed out from the immense pain she put me through, she better be my stink-stink!! Hahaha. =]

Dear Mia,

You are a year and month old already, and running the house as if you are the queen already.

And as you grow more and more each day, I can't get over the fact that I have also. While I teach you how to color, how not to eat or pull on the curtains and how to say you alphabet, you are teaching me that nothing else in the world matters except for loving & caring for you, and my responsibility toward that.

You have taught me that instead of going and crying about everything that goes wrong, to just move on: I could have very well slipped into depression, self-mutilation, anxiety attack after the past 2 days have occurred, but I didn't. Of course I was disgusted, saddened, angry, but then I thought. "Why am I working up all these emotions & raising my blood pressure for someone/something that doesn't care. Doesn't care about how I am affected. Doesn't care about how you are affected?" It wasn't worth it. I put some drama ahead of the thoughts of you, and that is unacceptable. So I pushed that bull aside and kept thinking about what we will do on my day off and how you were at home while I was at work & school...

Sure, it would be nice if I could talk to you about how I feel about everything or even see how you feel about everything going on in your life that directly affect you even though you don't know it yet, but sadly, I'll be doing most of the talking. Sure, you will throw in the occasional "Dada? Baaaaa haa?! B-b-b-b-b." and my favorite, "My muh-muh!", but I'll be the story teller. You can be the commentator. Maybe we can go for a long ride sometime soon and I'll tell you the story of Mommy's life & how much better it is having you here with me.

If I could live all over again, starting from the beginning and choose what I want to happen, I wouldn't pass up when you were born. I might have changed some things between your father and I (especially since I know what I know now), and my financial crisis I got myself into, but I wouldn't even think of saying, "I wonder what my life would have been like without Mia" because if you had not been born, who knows where I would have ended up. I was going down a negative rode & I could tell, and you helped enlighten (not Buddha enlighten!) me enough to make me become a more mature, responsible, wise individual with a stronger character than I have ever thought I was capable of obtaining.

Although it was unexpected, thank you for coming into my life.

Love, Mommy.

The Fun of Being Single

Before I start my paper and finish sparknote-ing a book I did not read, I want to shed some light on the single life. People think it's SO horrid, but it's actually pretty stress-less.

#1) You save your money on gifts: No extra money on a good birthday gift, Valentine's day present, Christmas junk, Chinese New Year fun, etc... Spend that hard earned cash on yo self!

#2) No angry texts saying, "Why didn't you text me at all?!": It's just annoying. It's not like your life revolves around just one individual

#3) Your friends don't get mad at you if you say you had plans with ___ already: Now you can focus of perfecting your relationship with your wonderful sidekicks and see their cheery faces!

#4) If you see a nice looking individual, you don't feel guilty for looking: Of course, there are always those couple of people who do have a boyfriend or girlfriend and continue to look at others...

#5) Flirting is a guilt-free trip!: Once again, there are the selected few who still do this with a lover...

#6) It's easier to figure out what type of person you want to be with: Take time to think about your goals and what type of person can fit into your lifestyle.

#7) Self-actualization: Find out who you are before jumping into something.

#8) Your bed is made strictly for you: You don't have to worry about sharing the blanket, cold feet touching yours, snore-ers, the wild sleeper that tries to fight you. You are free to sleep however you want!

#9) You can make yourself happy before trying to make someone else happy: I know I'm one of those people who put everyone before them self. Now, do what you want to do, when you want, how you want.

#10) You are able to love yourself before you can love someone else: Do I need to say more? How can you say you love a boy or girl when you can't love yourself first?

#11) You don't have to hide any flaws because you think that person might not like it:Go on and let your nappy hairs free! It's not like you need to impress anyone.

#12) You don't have to try to impress any parents or family members: Less stress. More sleep.

#13) Who are you gonna start a fight with? The mirror?: Really... there is zero fighting when you're single.

#14) Watch whatever shows you want without complaints: National Geographic, Pitt Boss, Oprah, Dr. Phil, Sappy Lifetime movies, etc... You name it, it's all yours!

#15) Finally, no worries of a break up, cheating or anything else that can let you down!: You have nothing else to worry about!

Celebrity Crushes (Update!)

I think it's time to update my list from the last one... (Link found here if you haven't read it)

Well, I'd like to start off with my crushie, Travis McCoy. Oh Travie, although I would never want to marry a guy covered in tattoos like you, I accept it. (Only because you make thousands of dollars) With your head of curls and gaged ears and piercings, you are the rebellious lover within Raven. Too bad my future career would never accept our relationship -___-

I am sorry for ever doubting you. But Channin Tatum, you are one hot white boy. You are like THE BLACK white boy. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. And what kinda name is "Channing"? Certainly a black one! In Step Up, I thought you were some ugly dude they found on the street. I was blind. Because you, my sir, are quite the charmer. And you have a nicely toned voice too! My mama would like you too! Look at those STRONG facial features.

Drake. You are just cute because you're a "redbone" and I must say. I have a thang-thang for dem redbones. No tattoos, money, nice face, smooth lyrics (you probably have a ghost write anyway) what's not to like?! Mama would accept you yellow behind also.

Shia LaBeouf. Really. I've had a crush on him since Even Stevens, dude. Even Stevens. Now that he's grown and nice lookin', just makes it even better!

Johnny Depp. He's only cute because he has that "I'll kill you if you look at me wrong and then stroke your face" kinda look... you know what I'm talkin about! I only own the Pirates of the Carribean movies because I think he's a pretty pirate. Tis all...

Boris Kodjoe. THIS MAN IS HOT! End of story.

Josh Hartnett. Forever adorable.

And finally, Nick Simmons. Gene Simmons' (from Kiss) son. I just like his nose & hair. Thats about it =D

Supportive Partners

They say most single mothers wish for a supportive partner.

This is Farrah from Teen Mom on MTV. She is a single mother also. Her mother pretty much is her daughter's second mother, and she is juggling a job, school and a baby. On the finale show, she tells Dr. Drew she doesn't believe she will find a supportive partner. I agree with her...

I don't believe there is anyone out there who will truly be there for myself, as well as a male role model for Mia. Dr. Drew said, "I'm sure you will find the right guy" and Farrah responds saying, "I have a lot of guys... that waste my time." It was like I was on the in the TV because I was thinking the same thing.

Since I've been single, 7 months ago, I have yet to meet one guy who is mature enough to put emotional needs over physical, or see me not as some kind of object, but as a person. On top of that, they always say, "I want to hang out with you and your daughter" after I say, "I'm not interested in you." They think getting in good with Mia will give them a chance with me. That's a trip...

OH! And my favorite story:

A guy I know asks me to be his girlfriend for the past 3 months, repetitively. I continue to tell him I want to focus on my school work, work and Mia right now and not a boyfriend, repetitively. Finally, I guess it clicks and he says, "I can help you with your daughter." I say no. He says, "I understand she comes first in your eyes, and if I was your man, she would come first in my eyes too." I told him he was lying. Why you ask? Because if he cared that much about her, he wouldn't have just found out what her name was a week ago. He would have known it a long time ago. Maybe... 3 months ago when he started getting in my face... Now he's trying to "get to know me" after 3 months have passed. It's a little too late now. If he really wanted me for me, he would have started with, "What are you going to school for?" instead of "You have a nice body."

It's kind of sad that I believe this, but I really, truly, deeply do not think anyone wants me for who I am. They see a decent face and run to it. That's all. It makes me sick just hearing the same crap over and over again. Different faces with the same intentions and same lingo claiming they aren't like the other guys.

As a result, I have cut the male species out of my life completely. I barely want to be friends with some. Its the best thing I can do in order to be a good mother for Mia and a good student. A boyfriend would just blow up my phone and take away my spare time. Time needed for Mia. Yes, this is harsh. Yes, I would still like a supportive partner, but do you guys really think a 19-24 year old single man is really thinking about being a supportive partner and possible male role model for one's child, or trying to be a playboy? I think playboy.