Being with him was my longest and most serious relationship I've ever had. Possibly because we had a child together or maybe because I tried to see something in him that maybe was never there to begin with.
But now it's gone, over, done.
After he left, I thought to myself, "Did I make the right decision?" "Should I have given it another try?" "Why do I feel so bad about a decision I thought would make me feel better?"
I cried so hard after everything was over that I made myself sicker than I already was because I didn't know how I should have felt and if I was doing the right thing for Mia....
Knowing my daughter may grow up in a single parent household scares me because that is something I did not want, but then again, life takes its own path sometimes.
Sitting at home for the first time as a single mother and single lady was awkward to me. Its like I was missing something. Plus I was getting sick anyway, which made it harder for me to care for Mia. Mother was at work; daddy isn't here anymore. And its not like Nacho could take care of her. (I wish!)
I just never thought it would have gotten this far. And even though a part of me wants us to work out, the other part feels as if nothing ever changes. Especially THAT easily.
I'm not sure how I feel. I guess the biggest word I can think of is disappointment.
Disappointed because I didnt try to make it work for Mia.
Disappointed that it didnt turn out so great.
Disappointed that I may never be in a happy relationship... ever...
And that's why I sometimes wonder why I even bother with relationships when so many just end in disaster, especially this one.
But I guess that's life. You win some, and you lose more. (Or atleast that's how I feel)