Day 15: The person you miss the most

Now that I have time again...

Dear Mia,

You left be again and went to Pennsylvania for 10 days. I should have been used to you being gone here and there since you were in California for a month this summer, but I don't think it ever gets easy. It was easier during the summer to not realize you weren't here. I kept myself busy EVERYDAY. Painting, going out to eat, mall, work, party, visited Thanh in South Carolina, etc. I didn't like being home really alone and I still don't. Since I was in school, I was kind of forced to stay home and endure the emptiness...

I guess its hard because during these years, I can miss out on so many little things you do that are HUGE to me, and seem stupid to others. Like you learning to wipe your own nose is gross and dumb to some people. To me, it shows me that you are growing up day by day.

I missed having you meet me every time I walk in through the door. I missed your kisses where you choke me a little and pull my face to yours. I missed our inside jokes.

I think the worse part of you being gone isn't that I'm not there to take care of you. I know Granny is taking good care of you even though you run her wild.

It's me sitting in silence. Me eating dinner alone. Me watching TV and doing homework without you saying "Mom! Mama! Hey! Help! Here! Baw! Bow!! Help! Diddle-diddle-liddle-dee!! Diddle-liddle-diddle-daaaa!" It gets lonely and Nacho can only do so much. I've spent the past nearly 3 years of my life so far talking to you, and always having you near me. From an embryo to a fetus to the little 21 month old you are now. And when you go away, I have nothing.

So I sat and imagined seeing you playing around in the living room, dancing to Yo Gabba Gabba, saying Chinese words you learned from Ni Hao Kai Lan, and fake laughing when I try to be funny. And when I saw you again (even though I was half awake) seeing you smile big made me so happy. I think the biggest fear I have whenever you leave is that you won't remember me, and when you show me you haven't makes me feel like I'm doing something right in this crazy, hectic world.

Koi hak jao, Mia.

With much love,

Mommy

Day 6: A Letter to a Stranger

Dear Stranger,

I don't know who you are, but if I meet you, I would like for you to not kill me first of all. If I am still breathing after I introduce myself, I would like to you to know that I am unique. My life story is full of twists and turns that has helped make me who I am now.

I'd also like for you to know that I don't like chocolate. So for Valentine's day, please, keep the brown stuff away. Not even white chocolate. Flowers are OK, even though their pollen hurts my feelings...

I also fractured my left ankle and never went to the doctor to fix it. I thought it was a sprain. So if you see me limping on some days (especially when it's extra cold), it is because my ankle hurts me. Not because I'm trying to be a pimp.

I like blogging... I think it's fun. Writing has always been so much easier for me than talking.

I think I have big eyes and nose, but I guess that benefits my sight and sense of smell.... Well, I do smell things easily. My eye sight is shot. No, my eye sight is on life support.

I like colorful pens. Why be bland and write in simple black, blue or pencil when your letters and notes can be a rainbow of excitement! The world isn't boring, why should my handwriting be?

I eat rice for breakfast sometimes... Actually, my favorite breakfast/snack is: rice vermicelli noodles with a hint of soy sauce and a 2 scrambled eggs with a dash of fish sauce and cilantro if I have some fresh. I like its simplicity, low in calories, and fullness it gives me.

I am muscular. Sometimes I don't like it because my body doesn't fit the "American stereotype of a lean, skinny model". I have bulky biceps and muscular thighs and calves. Then again, I wouldn't be able to dance and hold my leg up without support without these muscles. Its a love-hate relationship...

I'm short. And one day I will find a short man, and we will be short together forever in our little house with little clothes, and little dogs, and short-length pants, and short hair, with short children. (But a long life).

Finally, I like to live. I like to have fun, try new things, remember, take pictures, run, jump, fly, swim, dive, cart wheel, flip, roll, tip toe, stomp, and feel. Who knows when one's life will end? This is why I live each day with a smile on my face and all my troubles left behind me.

So, my dear stranger, after all this, you will still remain a stranger. I am merely the author of this entry and you are my silent audience. In the end, you are still a stranger, and I am still Raven.

Signed,

Raven

Day 5: A Letter to My Dreams

Dear Dreams,

I don't really have many of you, or the ones that occur in your sleep. I do have many dreams for my future though.

My sleep-dreams are very weird. All types of crazy things happening that all don't make sense, or contain ideas I day dream about, but with more twists and hills. But I only sleep-dream about 4 times a year... I guess its because I'm so tired all the time, I never remember them, or just don't have them.

As for goal-dreams, they run my life. I dream of becoming a doctor (if I don't die in medical school). If I don't become a doctor, I'd love to be an anthropologist, learning about people and writing books about them. I don't know why I find people, culture, rituals, and religion all so fascinating. Maybe its because I don't really have any of that myself...

I also dream of traveling the world. There's so much out there to see and experience, and many people never get to do this. I want to learn, eat, breath new things and teach Mia about it. Maybe I can teach her to be as open minded and caring as I am...

My final dream is to find happiness within myself. To be relatively stress free and content with where I am in my life. Being financially stable. Watching Mia grow up and making her own choices. A house on the beach. A chihuahua or two sleeping at my feet. And a loving husband by my side as we watch the waves go by. Of course, that may not all completely happen, but something like that would be lovely. Simply lovely.

So, the only thing I have to say to you, Dreams, is please come to see me soon and please make me happy.

With love,

Raven

Day 2: A Letter to Your Crush

Dear Crush,

I am going to be vaguely descriptive because you can not know who you are and that I find you attractive... Well... you can't know right now...

I honestly would not have expected to form a crush on you out of nowhere. Just one day, BOOM! And you are the best thing smoking... Well, you aren't actually smoking because you are a good human being... I hope.... It doesn't look like you smoke. You're teeth are far too white and you don't smell like cancer when you pass me by. Yes, I have noticed because I'm creepy. ^__^

Well, you seem like a nice person, smart, calm, pretty, cool, pretty cool....
It's kind of pathetic because I'm like a little elementary school-er too shy to confront you and say, "I think you are nice. Let's talk over coffee!" But I am a scared little girl. A scared, scared little girl afraid of rejection.

I can not express everything that comes to my mind when I think of your face because you might think I am crazy... And I can be a little, but if we do become friends, hopefully you will accept my quirky personality as a good trait to have.
Who knows! You might be quirky & weird too. We can be awkward together!

You are so cute. :]

But anyway, this is all I am going to say, and hopefully we can become friends. And who knows! Maybe we will become more than friends. (Yippee!)

With love,
Raven

Day 1: A Letter to Your Best Friend

Dear Best Friends, Thanh and Adiam,

I can't believe I've know you guys for nearly 6-7 years. What would I do without you two? You guys have made my move to Georgia worth the stay because, seriously, I was gonna run away from here as soon as we graduated.

I love you guys. I really do. Homo. (lol)

I don't know how many times I'll sit in class & just flash back to some crazy encounters we've experienced. Like getting lost in the ghetto. Running through the Mall of Georgia fountain & walking through the mall soaking wet for new clothes. And can you believe that crazy girl asked us if it was raining outside?! It was bright sunny and like 90 degrees!
That time homeboy slapped me and I drove off. The Troy parties after school. Our hooker homecoming dresses!! I don't know how we got away with that one... Spray painting shirts. That baseball game at school we did NOT belong at. HILTON HEAD FUN! So many memories, so little time passed....

OMG! And I love our code names. Tiger, Jelly, Powerade, Egg Roll, Ralph, Whitey, Water, Money, Travis, M, Potato, Faux, etc...

Ahhhh... Why are we so crazy?

I'm glad I got to know you guys and realized how boring my life would be with out RAT. Sure we've had our ups and downs but what relationship doesn't? And we pretty much are all in a relationship with each other if you think about it. (lol) That's why if I am not married by 40 and neither are you guys (or one of you), I am going to marry you. Yes. Yes I am. We will have a polygamist marriage and I'm sure by then marriage for all sexual orientations will be legal. (lol) Just kidding. I'm sure we will all be happily living with our beautiful families and Mia as the babysitter.

I can't express how happy I have been since I've met both of you. I hope we will grow up together, sipping cocktail in some cafe in Italy, reminiscing about our lives as BFFs. We're a match made in Heaven, and I am proud to say that Mia as a bomb Godmama Thanh & smokin' Auntie Adiam. ^__^

With love,
Raven