Dear Mia...

And yet another Dear Mia entry...

"Dear Mia,

I was looking at some of my old pictures today. From back when I was in high school. I can't believe that under a year ago, you weren't here. I used to wake up in the morning, go to school, dance practice and come home everyday to an empty house until Granny came home. Now, I wake up, check to see if you are awake, give you a kiss & hug, go to school, and come back home to your smiling face. I love every minute of it. I still look back and think, 'Wow, I've lived 17 years with out Mia. Now that she's here, I couldn't be happier.'
It's kind of crazy that I think my life is so much better now that your here. Most people my age would think, 'Oh no! Now I can't hang out with my friends. Can't go clubbing. I gotta spend all my money on diapers and formula. That baby is gonna keep me up all night. I can't handle all that!'

Me, I feel as if your constant happiness and playfull-ness keeps me going. You're the reason why I slow down when I drive. The reason why I don't go to every party that comes up. The reason why I wake up and drive 60 miles to and from school Monday-Friday just so I can be there and watch you grow up. I love watching you try to crawl, eating and talking with your mouth full, acting shy in front of strangers and hiding your face in my chest because you think they can't see you if you can't see them... It makes me feel as if something I've done in my life so far finally turned out right because this decision has made me so happy. So happy."

Friends? With You?

Have you ever wanted to stay friends with an ex? Have you ever wanted to stay friends with an ex, but couldn't? Has being friends with an ex caused problems with a new relationship?

Well, I've dealt with all of this.

Out of the... 4 boyfriends I have had, I am only friends with one. We still talk occasionally, check up on each other's lives and see if everything is ok. I admire our friendship because we make each other laugh, talk about our relationship problems & good things in relationships, the past, the present & some future. It's nice...
And, no. This is not my "baby daddy". I am actually not "friends" with him anymoe. I feel as if we didn't have Mia, we would not even think about looking at each other again, let alone keep each other's Myspace, Facebook & phone numbers. There is this awkward tension between us whenever I drop off Mia or he picks her up. We barely even look at each other. I know the break up was not the greatest thing in the world & we have different views, values, beliefs & goals, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. For Mia's sake atleast.... But I don't know how to fix it and things can't be fixed with just one person cooperating. (Plus I don't know how to talk... to him atleast) Maybe one day we'll be able to work out our differences and be friends for the Mi-ster...

Yeah... This picture is for another blog. I'm just putting it here for safe keeping...

And then, there's the horrible break up. ( That's not supposed to be me in the pic. I never hold on to what is not there) OMG. I haven't even looked at this boy in 5 years. In school, if we walked past each other, our eyes were fixed straight ahead, noses turned up & strolled past making sure not to accidently bump into each other as we pass. He wasn't the greatest thing ever & he was definitely not my cup of tea. I saw him this summer at a bowling alley. It was like high school all over again. Walk past each other with just a glimpse of them in the corner of ur eye just don't make eye contact. (It shows your soul) Would I like to fix this issue with him? Sure! Why you ask? Because I don't want people thinking I hate them when I die when deep down, it's just some misunderstanding... But I doubt this would ever happen...He seems too big headed...

Sorry. I just thought this one was funny. ^___^ If people really did this, the there would be alot of single people out there... and STDs...

Then there's the jealous new boyfriend or girlfriend who is jealous that you still talk to your ex because of insecurities that you will leave him or her for him or her again. The way I see it, if we haven't gotten back together after this freakin' long, we aren't going to...
Or maybe ur boyfriend or girlfriend are TOO close to his or her ex. Like, they're best freakin friends. That can cause some issues... Of course. But I guess that's his or her choice in the end. Who matter more? The past that didn't work out? Or the future which has its possibilities?
Then again, some people are afraid of the future, so they hold on to what they had because its familiar. (But that's another topic)

So how do you feel about break ups? Do you stay friends with your exs? Do you want to fix the friendship between an ex?

Check out my other blog!

I have another blog on Xanga.

Here, I have my fans & such on

Datingish.com

Momaroo.com

Mancouch.com

and others. I've had SOOOO many views for my blogs lately.

I've had atleast 7490+ in the past week for my posts.

here are the links to some of my posts & I'll be sure to let you guys know if I put 1 up on 1 of these sites! =D

Disapproval of a Young Mother

Do Bi-Racial Babies Get More Hype?

My baby is the sweatiest baby...

Talk Sweet to Me <-- This 1 got posted yesterday & already has 937+ views!

You can find my xanga here and I'll let you know if I have a post featured on 1 of these websites! woo-woo! Its a privledge to have ur post on 1 of the websites cuz it goes thru the editors & if they think its worthy to be publicized, then BAM! I'm so proud of myself... I have fans already!!

Dont forget to read my previous blog about my fave songs!

Songs I Admire

#1 Gravity by Sara Bareilles

This song is initally about a break up that a girl (or boy) can not get over.

It is pretty much like she is addicted to the guy and can not move on.

This is my #1 fave song (as of for the past 2 weeks. It's so beautifully written,

so emotional, so talented. Just listen. You'll see why...

#2 Did Ya by BoA

This is about a girl who broke up with a guy who was no good. I love the part

where she's like "You should have known I'm not gonna sit

around and wait for you to get your act together."You go girl! Such a

black lyric. lol. *sings*"You shoulda love me right when you had me...."

#3 What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts

Ahhh... And yet another heart broken song. A guy who misses his lady so

dearly, and expresses it through song. This song is so beautiful. *tear*

#4 For the Nights I Can't Remember by Hedley

This song is beyond cute. This is song for a relationship that is falling apart,

but he wants to hold on to it. I love it.

Now only if guys really did this in real life. (They aren't creative anymore, sadly)

#5 Speechless by The Veronicas

This song is about a guy who found a wonderful guy and his wonderful-ness

make her speechlees "when you talk to me. You leave me breathless the way you look

at me..." lol. This is a like the perfect wedding song. (If you really felt like this & loved

the person. Not just to play the song...)

#6 Me, Myself and I by Beyonce

*ahhh* Another strong black woman. I LOVED this song the first time i heard it.

"Love is so blind it feels right when its wrong. I can't believe I fell for your

schemes,I'm smarter than that. So dumb and naive to believe that with me

you're a changed man.Foolish of me to compete when you cheat with loose

women. It took me some time, but now I moved on..." It is like so me!

I get hurt, shocked punched (not literally),

but I just pick up the pieces and move on...Like you're supposed to.

#7 Nobody by Wondergirls

I love the Wondergirls! Even though they are just learning english,

these girls can sing, yo!This is about a girl who wants a guy to come

back to her cuz hey! She wants him!Its so catchy! Listen!

I will sing & dance this song to Nick Simmons one day... Then Shia...

"How can I be with another, I don't want any other. Honey, you know

its you that I wantIts you that I need. Why can't you seeeeeeeeeEEEEEEeee?!"

Love it!

"I Mistaked the Devil for Cupid"

"I mistaked the devil for cupid" is a line from my sister's poem she recently wrote and I enjoyed the poem very much. (good job) But this line caught my attention the most.

Have you ever met someone and thought he or she was like THE ONE. Thought he/she was the greatest thing since sliced bread. They were cute, kind, caring, great to talk to, everything you ever wanted in a boy or girlfriend or even friend.

Until one day, things change. This perfect angel turns into someone you don't know. Jealousy, deciet, lies, empty promises, cheating, everything bad you can think of, he or she does.These ones are always the ones that get us, and they know to go for the most vulnerable people too.

I think we've all dealt with something like this. Some more severe than others.

People turn out to me nothing like we would have expected. Or is it all in our minds?

Do we make up how we want people to be in our minds and then see who they really are once we get to know them better?

I think I do this sometimes, sadly. I imagine how things could be and then I'm just let down because I see who they really are. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe in God. Devil? Not so much.... I don't believe people are driven to do evil things by the Devil as a way for him to raise his army back up again and take over Heaven one day. I don't believe people are driven by God to do good things.

I believe every person is born with choices. The Godly choices & the Devilish choices. I believe we have a little bit of both in us. Good and Bad. Angelic and Evil. We just choose which ones we want to express. Some people just get a kick out of hurting others. Some people try so hard to be a good person, but just go un-noticed. Some don't care that they are hurting you.

I believe in karma. People who do evil and hurtful things will get what is coming to them. They will meet someone even more evil and decietful than they are. (They always say there is always someone better than you) I love when these things happen. A bad person falls in love with someone and suddenly is heart broken because he or she cheated, lied or doesn't love them back.

Sorry for being cold hearted, but I love seeing this happen.

So before you think of being a cheater, liar, or do something wrong (and you know its wrong) just remember, what goes around comes around. There is always someone more hurtful out there than you...

Are You His Trophy?

Have you ever thought of what it would be like to be a trophy wife? Or trophy girlfriend? Or trophy whatever-you-are-to-him?

Sitting at home, buying whatever you want, playing tennis at the country club, having tea parties and business dinners for your husband. Hum... sounds nice....

Oh... Sorry. That's for the rich people who can actually get a country club membership...

Sitting at a party not allowed to say a word to anyone. You just have to sit there and look pretty. Him walking around the mall with you lookin' at other people like, "Yeah. This is mine. You can't have this."

Yeah... That one doesn't sound too flattering.

But that's how I feel about... hum... 98% of the time...

I don't know. I just feel as if there are too many guys out there just looking for a pretty face to show off to their boys or show off whenever they go out. Either that, or there are too many guys out there trying to pretend they wanna be up in your face, but actually wanna have about 4 other faces also. (One of the two. Pick your choice) But that is another blog topic...

Sure, guys want something nice to look at because I know I don't want no Lil Wayne lookin' at me when I wake up. Ugh! Unless you like that kinda junk, then you go right ahead. Jesus...

"Pretty face, thick in the waist." "Long hair, don't care", "Lookin' like Halle Berry, Lauren London, Toya & Nia Long!" Sure, no one is that perfect (well, they aren't perfect either) but some like the attention. To hear their boys say, "Whoa! You gotcha self a nice one. You hittin' that?" He says, "Oh yeah! You know it!" (Whatever guys talk about.) Boost of self confidence & he's good for the rest of the day!

Now what does this do to the girl? Well, unless you like being shown off like a nicely cooked steak, then you have no problem with it.

Me, on the other hand, see myself as if I more than an object that can be used & paraded around. (And I hope other girls feel the same way too.) Of course I don't look anywhere near Toya, Tiny or Beyonce, I'm not "thick" in any way (and would NEVER want to be over a size 5) or have "long hair, don't care". So why do I keep attracting such negative male specimens? You tell me. I'm baffled.

But all I can say about the trophy wives, girl friends, friends, hoes, whatevers, you are worth so much more and can find someone who can actually care about you. Sure, he isn't gonna pop outta mid-air like Prince Aladdin, but he's out there... I hope...If not, Oops! Sorry. I lied =D

(lol) But still. Think the next time you start talking to a guy or get in to a relationship; think if he actually likes you for you, flaws & all or just for how hot you look in those jeans & how nicely your boobs over flow in that tank top. =/

You can do way better...

How do you feel about trophy girls? Have you ever been a trophy girl to anyone?

Boobies Galore!

We all have them. Some more or less than others... But still. We all got em. But gosh... Are mine small. I feel like I'm not porptional... When I got pregnant, I went from a precious 32A to a nice looking 32B. Then when I started breastfeeding, I had a very nice 32B/32C. Yes you guys, a C. That was only when my boobs were VERY full (which hurts like a dull ache). Shocking? Slightly. Attention grabbing? I'd think so.

They were SO nice. Perky, pretty and for the first time in my life, I had cleavage without squeezing my arms together! (Like how I used to do) It was beautiful. Some days, they looked like implants. Literally. I have a picture where it looks like I just got implants in because they have that implant-round-fake look. You know what I'm saying?? Let me find a pic...

Like this!! Exactly like this! lol. Posh Spice... You see the fake round-looking-ness?! I'd show you the pic, but I don't want my boobs all out there on the internet... Just ask & I'll decide to show you personally. =]

Now that I have stopped breastfeeding (Mia weened herself...), I'm back to square 1. All those size B bras engulf my little pectorials. =[ They seem sad. I need to do some push-ups to bring them back up again. It's kind of sad how before I took such good care of my body and now I look like this. I used to look like this **see below** Not exactly like this, but you get the idea. No alcohol or white looking, but small, non-existant boobs, flat abs, but I had thighs... Still do...

It's kind of sad that I do get slightly jealous that:

1) My bikini top looks like flat triangles on my chest & other girls actually have peaches, grapefruits and cantalopes under the tops.

2) I don't have cleavage. Just sternum....just sternum... I'd have to duct tape them just to even get a hint of cleavage

3) I could never use my boobs to get my way. =[

4) All my size B bras taunt me T_____T

Anyway! Boobies are nice. They are decoration, a food supply and just yell "I'm a girl!" No matter what your size is or if you didn't get to say "good bye" to yours like how I did (*tear*), you are beautiful regardless. =}

So shake what you have! (Or don't have)

What would we do without them?! Would guys still find us attractive it we had no boobs like them? Do you think you'd look better with bigger/smaller boobs?